rekt

I dreamed that I was in an office building looking to steal a file.  I was going through a cabinet and when I found it, a girl came up behind me.  She found me out, and said she was going to call for help.  I told her by the time she gets to a phone I'll be gone anyway, then she threw herself on the floor and started ripping her clothes up.  She said they'll find me when she reports that I raped her.  I noticed there was a camera in the lounge area where she stood, between me and the door, so I climbed on top of the cabinet and into the false ceiling, out a vent onto the roof.  I know the camera would catch her totally not being raped.  I got in my car and drove through what looked like an industrial area, like a power plant.  There were other people in the car I didn't recognize, one of them pointed at a tower and said there was smoke.  I looked up and there was red smoke billowing on top a white radio tower.  Then, the tower exploded, I assumed the red smoke designated an artillery strike.  I heard booms and saw rockets lifting into orbit on the horizons, everyone in my car was getting scared.  I saw a news helicopter approaching us, but as it got closer I saw it was retrofitted with weapons.  We got out of the car and I lead the people, including the falsely raped girl (???), into some tall buildings with narrow streets, where I thought the helicopter couldn't follow.  That's all I remember.

turtle Power

Clay told me his dream. He said he was in a store, and he got lost.  He couldn't find his mom and it was kinda scary.  Then Michelangelo found him and they looked for her together.  When they didn't find her, Michelangelo drove him home.  She wasn't there, so they drove back to the store.  Clay saw his mom but she didn't answer, and they lost her again.  So, they drove back home, and finally she was there.  Then, Michelangelo turned into a puppet.

Meditation

Sometimes we should think about something important, stop and ponder critically about it.  This time it's very important.  My heart is heavy and saddened today.  It's not anyone's fault, it's just a part of life, I learned that already.  When it happens to someone else, I remember how I felt and it feels worse.  My mother is hurting.  I can't wish her feelings away and take them for myself, I would if I could.  A person on this Earth out of a few, that I am blessed to have in my life, doesn't deserve this.  Watching her crumble is fucking awful.  I haven't prayed in so long, I have walked so far away from all that, I don't even care about myself in that way anymore, but I tried.  I cried and I fell, I pleaded for Him to rescue her.  I said I would lift her up above the waves even if it meant I drown.  I said I would take all that pain and anguish for myself, and swallow it with a smile if I saw her continue to be happy.  She deserves that, more than I and more than anyone I know.  It's not fair, I prayed.  I found I spoke truthfully when I pray, and that no answer came because of the guilt and shame I feel when kneeling before Him.  I'm lost and forgotten, but I don't care right now, mom needs comfort and a place to stay.  Mom needs a prayer from able souls, this that I am not.  I cooked for her, I made her bed and talked with her until she slept, I embodied a loving and caring son.  Until she drifted away from all this, into the place I love the most, in dreams.  In a sense I did take her pain away, I saw her off to that place, then buckled and broke down myself.  I won't let her see me like this, sad, worried, angry, she doesn't need that.  She needs love.  As I sat alone up so late, I found that indeed my prayer was answered without me knowing, that if God as an entity is love, He has channeled so much through me to give to her.  So, have it all mom, I kept none for myself, and sweet dreams.

Moo.

First I remember I was with a group of people, some friends and some I didn't recognize.  There was a girl who seemed drawn and interested in me, but I felt out of place and remained cordial.  The guys in our group attended her lecherously, which I thought was why she confided in me because I wasn't interested in her.  She asked me if I wanted to go vote in an election, for the Navajo Nation.  I said okay, and when we set out for the chapter house the guys followed us and she became annoyed.  When we got there, the staff made us take a test before we were able to vote.  I thought it would be like a survey or something relevant to the election, but it was a math test.  The front page of the test booklet was blank followed by three pages of multiple choice questions.  It was a timed test, and I finished mine quickly but I felt stupid after because the test instructions were to show how we got the answer on the front page, but I just did it in my head and didn't show my work.  I still passed, and she passed hers as well.  She asked if I wanted to go with her to Albuquerque tonight to celebrate our success, for drinks and conversation.  I said okay.  We left to get ready to go, I put on some nice clothes and went to pick her up, but at the house all the guys were there, ready as I was to celebrate.  She was really annoyed, and asked if I would help her do her chores and that she is unable to go, then pulled me aside to whisper that it was an attempt to get the guys to leave us.   I said ooookayyyy.... (??? wtf).  Then to her disappointment, the guys all volunteered to help her out.  She said her cows needed to be milked, haha what?!!!  Then, there really were cows.  They attempted, but the cows became agitated.  I tried it, I never milked a cow, it seemed I was doing it properly, and I ended up milking all the cows in my fancy duds, while the guys ogled the agitated girl.

all manner of Creepy

I dreamed that I was in a house with high windows and wood walls.  There were lots of people there who were complaining that there was a snake outside on the patio.  I went to take care of it, outside the patio was ridiculously large, like a football field of wooden slats.  It was covered with rattlesnakes, the buzz they made when I stepped close was deafening. I went back inside and told everyone to stay inside and that I had an idea.  Apparently, I had a terrarium in my room full of black snakes that could eat the rattlesnakes.  I took a few out and put them in a plastic grocery bag, then went outside and pulled a black snake out and tossed it at a rattlesnake.  The black snake ate the rattlesnake head first, and turned into what looked like a slimy worm that wiggled between the patio slats and disappeared.  I continued to eradicate the rattlesnakes this way, till the last one, and it was bizarre that it seemed I had an unlimited supply of black snakes in the bag.  On the last rattlesnake, I tossed the black snake at it and this time the black snake ate the rattlesnake tail first, leaving the rattlesnake able to strike back.  It did, striking the black snake over and over again on the neck until its head became severed with the rattlesnakes tail still partially swallowed inside, and I saw the rattlesnake continued to strike its own tail, poisoning itself and then attempting to eat the black snake tail first, with its own tail still in the belly.  The two bodies coiled around each other into a ball, then the small mass grew larger and larger, from like the size of a grapefruit to a basketball, then a toad popped out.  WTF!!!

???

"COLLECT THE HEADS - LOVE - KING/QUEEN - RINGS - FOOD - HUNGER YET A HIGHER SATISFACTION - NO_BODY"

Sometimes, I don't remember.  Sometimes I write things in my dream journal at 2 a.m. and go back to sleep and when I read what I wrote in a sleepy daze, I think WTF is this?!? So, just to share, here is one I wrote and don't remember, can't make sense of and vaguely remember even waking up to write it down.  I write in caps also, is why. ???

the glass Spine

I dreamed that I was recovering from back surgery.  I laid in the hospital bed, and the doctor told me they had to put glass in my spine.  He said it was the perfect material to help me, but considering it was glass I couldn't move too much or I would shatter my implants (??? the fuck!).  I hate doctors and hospitals, this felt like a nightmare.  When I woke, the dream doctor and my surgery was ridiculous, but in the dream I felt so convinced that my life depended on not breaking my glass spine.  The doctor said I would see a physical therapist who specializes in rehabilitating people with glass spines, and over time my muscles will compensate for and protect it.  Then, he said I would have an increase in neural activity within my body because my spine would be able to send information more efficiently just like fiber-optic technology.  I immediately thought "Bullshit!!!", and continued to not trust him and freak the fuck out, that's all I remember.

the Hunter

I first remember I was hiking by myself, I was out in the desert at sunset.  I saw silhouettes of men with backpacks toward the setting Sun, and as I walked I noticed our paths will cross soon.  When they got close enough, they waved and yelled in a language I didn't know.  They all looked like they been out in the wilderness a good while, unkempt beards and hair, tired and careless apparel, all seven of them.  If you ever seen hunger, I saw it in their faces, their eyes were sunk and cheek bones prominent but not proud.  They gestured for me to follow them, and pointed at a nearby mesa.  They gestured with their hands "sleep" and I figured that's their camp, I followed.  When we got there, they had tents pitched and started a fire, then offered me some food.  I don't know what they were eating, it looked like dry Cream of Wheat before they added boiling water, but smelled funky.  Not wanting to be rude, I forced some down, then found as I looked at them that they were equally appalled. In relaxation, they shed layers of clothing and I saw they all looked emaciated.  It was kind of freaky, and I felt very out of place.  Earlier in the hike, I saw something that I thought could help (I saw this for real while hiking, is why I remembered in my dream).  I had seen a mule deer, he was old.  He had greying and splotchy hair, and I knew he had fought a lot because he had a broken antler and scars on his face.  I knew exactly where he was, and it would be a service to the gene pool if I removed the old brawler, who I figured was terrorizing the young bucks.  I had my shotgun, so I got up and left.  It was awkward, the men were confused and maybe thought I was trying to leave their hospitality, I tried my best to gesture I would be back, and I finally just left I didn't care what they thought because they would understand when I returned.  The old stag was exactly where I thought he would be, dispatching him was too easy and I carried it all the way back in the dark.  When I got back, the men were stunned, they quickly came to help me.  They said a lot of things I didn't understand with smiles and teary eyes as they processed the old deer, they were making a shitload of food.  They did everything, all I did was sit next to the fire and brew a pot of tea from Ephedra cutleri (botany skills!!!).  Then, they gave me a gift, it was a book with the cross on it, a Bible, and I was confused about the language barrier because the Bible was printed in English.  That's all I remember.

faith of a Spider

I dreamed that I was running home, I felt terror and adrenaline.  I was running from a giant, her hand reaching out for me could easily hide all of me in a fist, her hair and robe she wore were bleach white.  What was really fucking freaky was that she made no noise, no footsteps or breathing or rustle of clothing.  I got home and quickly unlocked the door, then went for the closet under the stairs because I thought it was the safest place to hide if she shoves her arm through the windows.  I felt the ground move, then the walls in the closet, then I knew she was trying to lift the building off its foundation.  I tried to calm myself, and for some reason I thought maybe if I have enough faith I could climb up the wall and cling to the ceiling so she won't find me.  I thought about it, and as the building creaked and shifted, I put my hands on the wall and climbed to the ceiling, like a spider.  The ground disappeared far below me but I clung to the ceiling, even when she shook the building to try and dump me out.  She turned the building upside down and found me, I got scared again and suddenly all that faith I had left me, I fell down (onto the ceiling) and she stuck her fingers into the closet and got me, kind of like lightly holding the last Pringle chip from the can with your fingertips.  That's all I remember.

the Lego tower

I dreamed that the mayor of a city, I don't know where, commissioned me to do an art project.  I asked a school of elementary kids to help me build a sculpture out of Legos.  The mayor was expecting something else, I guess, but since the project got so much attention because of the children, he let me continue.  I asked the kids to start building a life size skyscraper, thinking they would only build a small tower.  They were having fun, and I left them to get more Legos, I was planning to build a sculpture on the backside of the tower in secret.  The mayor said he would keep bringing in more Legos as the children needed them, so I started working on my sculpture.  As I was building, the tower that the children were building was becoming exponentially taller, and I kept having to make my sculpture bigger and bigger.  I was building a Gundam, from a Japanese animated series, I figured that would blow the kids away and any other geek like me.  The children finished their tower, and when I finished my Lego sculpture our work was literally as tall as a skyscraper, like 100 stories tall.  When I finally reached the ground, all the kids were looking at my sculpture and they were blown away, I felt proud of my work seeing them "shine" with amazement.  I hadn't seen the tower they built from the front, so I went to look.  When I walked around, it was not what I expected from elementary children, the tower looked like a cathedral with artwork in the windows to mimic stained glass, and recessed sculpting that depicted anything you can imagine a child would imagine.  It was monolithic, it overwhelmed me what they did, I felt my face drop into a stupor and a fluttering tightness drop into my belly, that's all I remember.

scawy Ganma

I first remember feeling stressed out.  I was in a strange house, on the second floor in a dim hallway.  I knocked on a bedroom door and an old voice bellowed "hurry up!"  I went in to see the room was lit with dawn, and dust particles reflected it making the room seem to glow.  There was a grandma in the bed, sitting upright in her nightgown and hair net, legs tucked under her quilt.  She looked sternly at me, and said she needs to have breakfast soon so she has time to get to church.  I asked what she wanted to eat, she said pancakes and sausage.  I rushed to the kitchen and started cooking.  I only had vegetarian sausage that I tried once (YUCK!) and thought hopefully she won't tell the difference.  I pulled out a skillet from the oven, and it was so big it fit over all four burners on the stovetop.  I lit all the burners, and whipped up a whole box of batter.  I poured it over the giant skillet and cooked a pancake that was like 3' in diameter, then I started to melt a box of butter on top, four sticks.  I got even more stressed out when I realized there was no maple syrup, and the grandma will be upset.  Then, I woke up as I was wondering if she was my grandma, because I didn't recognize her.

strange Animals

I dreamed I was hiking, it was evening and overcast, cold.  There were Juniper Trees, Sagebrush, Rabbit Brush and Yucca.  I found Mormon Tea and bent over to pluck some good bits off.  Behind me I heard clopping footsteps and without looking I knew it was a horse.  I got up slowly and turned slowly to not spook it, I wanted to pet it.  I had a pocket full of peppermints I got from Sonic's drive-thru, which did actually happen.  I asked the girl wearing rollerblades if I could have some peppermints and she gave me two heaping handfuls (YESSSSS!).  In the dream, I had them in my jacket pocket.  The horse was skinny and wild looking, it inched slowly at me, nodding and making horsey sounds, spraying my hands with a fine mist of... probably mucus and saliva.  I broke my gaze from it to wipe my hands, "Awgh, come on dude!" and unwrap some peppermints, when I looked back it had transformed into a strange animal.  It was floating, it looked like a horse body but no head and neck, and the legs were drooping thick tentacles that hovered a few inches off the ground.  It wasn't gross though, it was strangely cute.  I offered out a mint, and the thing moved to hover above my hand, and in some way ate the candy without me feeling teeth or flappy lips or slobber.  I pet it, and it made a sound like a deep purr, and when I stroked its side, it bounced off my hand like a balloon.  It was such a weird feeling, because although like a balloon, it had weight and density.  I imagine it would be like petting a furry wrecking ball.  I started to walk back to my truck, telling the thing goodbye.  I always talk to animals, then it followed.  I said okay you can follow me but I'm going home in my truck, and as I walked there were more and more appearing and following me.  I was starting to get intimidated, there was like a herd of them slowly surrounding and following me. They were getting bold, rushing and pushing themselves under my arms, they felt heavy.  I was thinking to maybe throw a handful of mints out and quickly getting in the truck to get away, their strange deep purring was everywhere.  I started unwrapping as many as I could, they were nudging themselves under my armpits and sides and almost lifting me up under my butt, I was getting freaked out, thinking what the fuck are you guys?!? I threw the mints and felt their heavy masses leave me, then I sprinted for the truck.  I unlocked the door first before looking back, and there was nothing, they were all gone!  The last I remember was walking back and seeing my mints strewn about and no footprints, remembering while questioning my sanity that they floated.

meditation

I saw a hall, it was hidden from sunlight but lit brightly, mysteriously.  It echoed with my footsteps, shaped stones.  There was art everywhere on the stone slabs making the walls and columns, and the vertical pieces making up the stair steps.  The art was delicate and ancient, yet bold and courageous.  The etches were deep and confident, they had feeling, like they weren't made with wrists and fingertips, but strong arms and forceful blows.  The air was chilly but I felt heat in admiring the work, the forges blazing and energy burning, with embers lifted by rising heat into the seemingly endless black ceiling.  There were deer, and bears, and big cats, and trees.  There were flowing rivers on the steps, a centerpiece of life spewing carved water, with fish and dragonflies frozen in stone.  On top of the pyramid of steps was a throne, carved from the same stone, everything looked a dull grey-blue granite. There was no marble, no gold, no silver, no paint, no precious stones, yet it was alive.  It was hard, harsh, I didn't sit on the throne, it felt like an insult to, but I kneeled to one side, leaning an arm over the throne's arm, and sighed.  I felt tired of everything I was seeing, even my feet hurt from the hard cold stone, it numbed and stole my body heat through my Chuck T's.  I wasn't seeing with my eyes, all I saw was grey-blue anyway, but I was feeling, and in feeling my body, I only felt bones, weary and stricken bones.  Then hunger, I wanted food, sooooo bad.  So, I got up and took a shower and bought shit at Safeway to make slammin' honey salmon and a bottle of pinot noir. I kicked my ass this workout.

the king of shifting Ground

I was intrigued by a book, it made me laugh so hard, Mark Twain's "The adventures of Huckleberry Finn".  Of course, dialect, but the hardest to understand was .... no spoiling.  Seemingly the dumbest character, but I dreamed I met him, and he spoke a line from the book, which spawned an amazing seed of dream of stupid shit I ever experienced in a dream.  The line, spoken to me while sitting on the shores of the Mississippi, no one cares where I'm sure, go like this.  "I hai'nt neva herd of no kang solermon, onliess kangs I eva herds uv were dem fower on de backs uv playrr cyards..."  I knew I was dreaming, if you ever wanted to meet a celebrity, a Johnny Depp, a Nikki Minaj, a Justin Beiber, an Olivia Munn, a Tom Hardy... and would lose your shit seeing them, I would lose mine to have a conversation with Jim (and Olivia Munn).  My dream, nothing to do with any novel of western literacy.  I heard Jims' words, and pondered love, pondered a suit of "cyards", four kings and four queens.  That's as symbolic as anyone can think, I don't give a fuck.  I felt I'm a King, whichever, it doesn't matter, and I have a Queen.  I take a wine glass, and gold rings on weathered hands "klink" against it.  I take a sword, and nations kneel without bloodshed.  I take a horse, and the world gallops to my feet.  I take my Queens hand, in insatiable desire, and collect the heads of those who look her way.  Inside, that's how it feels.  Outside, it's cold.  The river is mighty and forceful before me, I lay in the night at its shores, barefoot and hungry.  A fishing rod cast in the water, waiting for my catch, waiting to eat, waiting for the ground I call my own to fail, waiting for the next time to run, with an insatiable grin, waiting for the Sun to stab out all the stars. 

google searching Exorcism

I must be angry, I must have something misplaced in my spirit, a lot of what I write in my dream journal is full of aggressive symbols, lately.  Knowing is half the battle, at least I know now, because I don't feel angry.  I dreamed about bad things, about witches and a demon.  I remember when I was a child, I seen a demon, not like a scary apparition, but I seen a man who every other older man surrounded him and said he was under the influence of one.  It was scary, I cried, I was so small.  I was torn away from the site, I loved that man.  In my dream, I saw him again.  I am stronger though, and I wanted to help.  He said there are witches, and said to look in the laundry room.  I did, and found the dryer and bed were alive.  This probably sounds nuts, but fuck it.  I didn't now what exactly to do, so I whipped out my cellphone and google searched "expelling witches from furniture".... and google answer said I need a fresh dead crow.  So, I go to a pavilion outside where there are crows and pigeons, and people staring at me in bewildered amazement at my open act of trying to kill one crow.  They were freaked out of me, calling the police.  I didn't care, and tried to the last second to catch one before I had to run from the authorities.  I got away, and was found by a woman.  She said I can hide here, then said after a time she can help me with the witches.  I said thank you, and led her to the laundry room.  She took my cellphone, saying when I see a witch, to call the number she puts in my address book, either "dryer" or "bed", and then she left.  I felt shame about relentlessly trying to massacre crows in front of people earlier, and waited.  When the dryer and bed came alive again, I whipped out my cellphone to call the numbers, and found my contact list was displayed in symbols I didn't recognize, "oh shit!" moment, I felt confounded in fuckery.  That's all I remember.

coyotes

I dreamed I was annoyed, severely annoyed, terminally annoyed.  I had a plugged nose, like one side, I made gross noises between breathlessness.  I wanted it out, I plugged one side and blew as hard as I could, and found blood poured out and down my throat, it couldn't drain through my plugged nose.  Now, I hate bloody noses, they freak me out, this is becoming a nightmare.  For some reason, I felt moody, like sexually.  I wanted her, she is here but also a lot of people are in my apartment, annoying.  I felt miserable.  Suddenly there was an accident outside, a loud popping crunch sound.  I looked and a car had wrecked, it also had broken eggs all over it, with shells stained in color like Easter eggs.  Someone in the crowd that had all come out to investigate said it was poison, like a biological attack.  The eggs contained a lingering poison, and breathing it would kill you.  It was scary, I cupped my mouth and went upwind from the wreck.  Everyone screamed and ran, and I felt an urgent panic.  Then came calm, then confidence, I was walking with a group of people, evading the terrorist egging's.  There was mass panic yet I was leading this group of people to safety.  There was a boy, he said "I bet I can get to the top of that hill before you!", and I playfully obliged, I knew the attacks didn't reach there, and that was the safe area I was leading everyone to.  When I started a sprint, I realized the boy had sneakily filled my socks with Legos, making it painful to run.  WTF!?! How... I emptied them into the dirt, and he came back sad, asking why I threw all his toys away.  Like really kid?!? I told him to pick them up and I will carry them in my socks, and when the race commenced again, I didn't put my socks on just ran in my shoes without socks.  He laughed even as I left him so far behind, nearing the top of the hill.  As I was about to crest it and win the race, feeling lighthearted despite events, over the top of the hill a pair of coyotes leaped over at me.  I ducked, yet one landed on my head, bounding back off with sharp little pawed feet insulting my face.  It hurt, like WTF was that!? How rude, I closed my eyes, wincing in pain.  That's all I remember.

mossberg and Butterflies

I dreamed I was locked inside a conex box, or a few conex boxes welded together to make a sizable room.  There was a window, but it was fogged and only let a glowing ray of sunlight through.  I walked to it, my footsteps echoed loudly and stirred up fine dust.  Dust billowed up, seen only in the ray of light from the single window, I felt boogies and a sneeze coming.  Next to the window, stood barrel up between the ribs of the conex box, was my shotgun.  I picked it up, a Mossberg 500, and checked the chamber and magazine.  One shell, I figured my best bet was to shoot out the almost opaque window, use the butt to break any remaining shards out of the way and squeeze through.  The shot rang in the metal box like a bell, I fell to my knees in shock from the blast, holding my ears in pain.  When the shock subsided, I saw the window didn't shatter, but left tiny holes where the buckshot passed through (tryptophobia, ick!). I went to press my face against the window and see if I could see through a single hole, then fluttery shadows appeared on the other side.  Through the holes, butterflies squeezed through, their wings collapsing and "poofing" back out when they got through, and all of them fluttered about, stirring up the dust in the conex box,  I tried to wipe it off my brow but it felt sticky, and I realized the dust was fine pollen.  That's all I remember.

the Swords

I first remember how I felt, I felt excited, geeked out on ancient discovery, on exploration, I love ruins.  I went to find them, a familiar place I have been to a lot, hiking and camping, rocks and juniper, and big cat prints.  Fresh scat, oooo-scary, should have packed my 9mm.  I found a well, sort of.  Near sandstone stacked for ancient people to hide behind, a circular stack of similar rock, and as dry as it was out here, the inner walls of this circle were damp.  I got in, and slid down accidently.  I was glad I had my molle backpack to take the scraping all the way down as I tried to wedge myself to a stop with my boots and back.  It didn't happen, the bricks were slippery, then the shaft opened into darkness suddenly.  My heart fluttered and the adrenalin flushed my face of life it felt.  I reached below me like a cat jumping off a roof, and splashed into water.  I was in shock, and paddled best I could up, I hate water.  When I surfaced and took a breath, there was light, dim but inherent.  There was an edge of the water I could climb up, onto a stone path with stone walls and a stone ceiling, all dark and damp, with moss growing between the bricks, all man-made.  It didn't smell like a sewer, it smelled like a cave, natural.  The water was clean, yet I found I had bled into it.  Somehow I received two gaping gashes on my left thigh, and I opened my pack to fashion a bandage.  I used my headband and all the contents of a tiny medikit I had.  It hurt, I couldn't walk. I looked up the shaft I fell through, it was dark.  I used a flashlight, and remember thinking "I'm so glad I bought this because it doesn't use batteries", my worst fear is getting lost in a cave.  The expanse echoed as I cranked the lever on my flashlight to get it charged up.  As I directed the light into the shaft, there were two shiny objects partway up, stuck in the walls.  I took out my monoculars, and in the dream everything seemed to get bigger, the stone path became cavernous and the shaft became a monolithic feature.  I used my monoculars to get a look at the reflective objects, and found they were two swords, handles stuck between the bricks, blades readied to slice anything that fell through, like a leg.  If dreams reflect inner struggle, I must be doing something wrong.  My mind wasn't set on my wounds, on a path out, even on fear of dark waters or starvation or loneliness.  I wanted those swords, as if my world became nothing but dark waters and slippery bricks, nothing to strive for except those pieces of treasure or death, and I begun obsessively thinking about how to get them.  That's all I remember.

the watch Stander

I dreamed I was in a canyon, it looked like Angel Peak.  I felt a sense of urgency, like when you're doing something wrong.  I was definitely being sneaky.  I passed someone on the hiking path, he was in a military uniform.  I saluted him and he said my watch is over and I should go to sleep now.  I complied, and asked if I could get some food first.  He said alright and to hurry, but I intended to escape with my belongings.  I continued to the bottom of the canyon and found there were bunks out in the open and people occupying them, with the ground seeming to slowly rise to devour them in their sleep.  Considering I was after the contents in my bunk, I realized it was everything I own in a small box.  I crept past the sleeping soldiers to my bunk, where underneath I had hidden a munitions box. Inside were 7.62 and 9mm bullets, and a folder with documents.  I put the bullets in my coat pockets and looked over the documents.  One of them wasn't mine, it was a receipt to a hotel I didn't stay at.  I looked over it like "how the fuck did this get in here?"  Reading the details, it became familiar and hurtful what it stood for.  I placed it on the ground and watched the dirt slowly cover it, keeping myself moving so the rising sands wouldn't swallow my boots up.  When I got my folder tucked in my jacket, I ran toward the canyon walls, I started to climb quickly, each time I looked back the sand had covered more and more bunks, swallowed up more soldiers in their sleep.  I got to the top and my legs burned.  I felt an uncontrollable rush of sadness when I realized I was alone.  There was no car parked in the lot, no familiar face to take me home.  I just started to walk, hands in my pockets full of ammunition.  I just kept walking with a lump in my throat, the earth crunching under my boots.  That's all I remember.

all the kings Horses

I dreamed I was in a house with many doors, the floors were uneven and the steps leading to rooms did not make sense.  All the doors had flags hanging from them, just geometric shapes and colors.  They stood for differing factions, the residents of the house were angry at each other and there was a war happening.  I realized the people living here were not soldiers but still had their factions and beliefs, yet were forced to live in this complex.  There was a girl there that was nice to everyone, I felt nothing for her, and she approached me.  She asked if I could take her and her friends on a road trip away from here, and said she would give me a gift.  I said okay, so we all got together in an RV, I drove them.  Her and her friends, all guys, were in the back drinking, reckless in bliss, I saw her making out with them, each until they passed out.  In her drunken state, she sat next to me and gave me a gift bag, saying here is that thing I promised you, but please don't let the guys see it.  I said fine, and placed it in the door pocket to open later.  She then tried to kiss me, I resisted, and she became angry.  She yelled at me, said "I don't want to get married to a bum in that little town!", that's why she asked me to drive her away.  She said she planned to get her friends drunk and ask me to leave them at a rest stop.  I was confused, and I became fearful of opening her gift.  She became very sexually aggressive with me, playful and naïve.  I had to stop the RV and walk away, she had no idea I thought she was fucking psycho.  The girls father had called the police on me, saying that I kidnapped her.  I complied when they caught us, saying it was the girl setting us all up.  When the police questioned her, she began to cry and plead with her friends.  They seemed gullible, saying that they wanted to run away and their relationship with each other was complicated.  She victimized herself and played the part through, hanging on them like she never conjured to leave them on the highway.  Throughout the entire investigation she looked at me sadly and lost, like somehow I too was supposed to help her lie.  The officer asked about the gift I accepted in payment, I said I haven't opened it yet.  I retrieved it from the RV and when he looked inside he immediately confiscated it, that's all I remember.

Teri-yucky sauce

I dreamed I was in the house I grew up in.  There's a closet that only opens to the outside, right next to the front door.  It only locks from the outside, I was always afraid of it for that.  Inside was dirty, packed full of dusty storage bins and outdoor equipment.  I needed to get near the back of the closet, where my bike was hanging on the wall.  I started to climb over junk towards it when suddenly the door slammed shut and I heard wind rustling on the other side.  I got scared, the only light were from gaps in the doors.  I screamed and banged on the door.  Above me a light came, glowing neon blue.  I looked and it was a collection of cobwebs, it looked gross.  There were spiders about the size of my hand all over the webbing, and the ceiling seemed to be taller than it was before.  The web was growing, expanding, then swelling.  The light was from cocoons inside growing, filling a space of webbing that had swelled to the size of a trash bag.  I couldn't get my body flatter against the ground if I tried, it was so fuckin' gross and terrifying, spiders crawling all over.  Suddenly the door opened, it was my grandmother.  I was a bat out of hell, dashing onto the ground and rolling around, inspecting my body frantically for spiders or webs or cocoons.  I watched my grandma poke the swelling bag, and said "I'll call the exterminators".  My friend Leon was there, he had pedaled up on his bike like we were children again, but we were adults, it was weird.  He asked if he could move in with me, he needed a place to stay.  I said cool, that would be awesome, but the spiders.  I last remember Leon and I conspiring how could we torch the closet clean, and for some reason he was convinced that sweet ginger teriyaki sauce is flammable so we should use that.

meditation

I sat cross-legged on the floor, in front of a mirror leaned against the wall. I turned the lights off, only seeing the faint sunset glow behind me from the window.  I thought to myself I better not linger too long like this because I realized I just made my bedroom depressing as fuck.  So, I stared at my right eye with half open eyes, thinking. I thought about food, because my body needed it. I told my body okay soon. My eyes adjusted to the dark but I stared at my eye. I thought about stress, not what was stressing me out currently but what it is doing to my body.  My neck hurts, I tire easily, I find perhaps I'm not sleeping well. I must be moving a lot in sleep.  My eyes adjusted again, dimmer, because I was not using them though they were open. I suddenly felt drowsy, even my back wanted to quit holding me upright. I just focused on my breath for awhile, until I watched in my peripheral vision fuzzy purple globs dancing around, and white flashes high in corners. Then, I moved my eyes suddenly because I felt hot tears on my cheeks. Everything instantly adjusted, I had fallen asleep with my eyes open and when dried, gushed hot wet salt.  I felt fear, I don't know what about, but like a jumpy panic adrenalin surge through me and I let out a whimpering cry. I felt relief after, even a comical satisfaction from my body expelling fear so unexpectedly, I watched myself laughing at myself in the dark mirror for a moment.  That was interesting.

sundance

I dreamed very stressfully. I had a project to do, I felt like I was failing because I meant to help people but have pushed it back for awhile now. This manifested as my grandmother. I always help her with things, but I felt indebt to her in my dream. I went to her house to see what I can do.  It was bizarre, as if night and day were squished between the horizons.  Gold light from the sun and purple glow from the full moon made nothing seem sensible in a dizzying effect. My uncle Phillip is staying with her, her brother.  I didn't want to see him, he's struggling with alcohol and I didn't feel up to it, in fact I'm sick of hearing from so many about a lack of selfdiscipline.  So many sad stories.  My uncle has a dog, I actually never seen him but I dreamed about him.  I expected him to be a good dog and defend the house when I drove up. He did, I dreamed he was a small dog though.  Familiar, he was like a vicious puppy, yet he was old.  He had markings like a pitbull but his vicious tenacity was trapped in the body of a chihuahua. A familiar looking specimen, but his name was Sundance.  He attacked my shoes.  I turned my back on him, I felt fearless, and he stopped. He squeaked and whimpered playfully. I turned toward Sundance and he had transformed into a giant fuckin' shaggy white dog.  I instantly recognized him as Falcor from the never ending story, and I had become the Native American boy Atreyu.  Geeked out.  The living room was dark except for the television being on, and my other uncle, deceased, who died of his alcohol addiction, spoke to me with bloodshot eyes and slurred speech.  He said thank you for helping my sister, and to please help his brother, and offered a hand shake out.  I listened, but thought it useless to shake a ghosts hand.  I went to say hello to my uncle Phillip, to tell him his little doggy won't fit through the front door anymore. The kitchen where he sat was black, almost nonexistent in space. That's all I remember.

???

I dreamed I filled a kiddie pool with milk and donuts, then used a 3 ft. decor spoon I seen at Pier 1 Imports to try and eat the biggest bowl of cheerios ever...  (???)

???

I dreamed I went to a zoo, but it was unlike a conventional zoo, it was an indoor zoo that looked more like a museum.  I went through the halls that were stuffed full of taxidermy animals and placards with animal and plant information.  It didn't seem like there were any rooms, just halls.  In one hall there was an attraction, there were bobcats in hibernation.  The hall was refrigerated, and lined up across the floor against the walls were sleeping bobcat kittens tucked under snow like a blanket, just their heads poking out with sleepy faces and button noses and little tufts of hair on their twitchy eartips and yawning little squeaks with tiny pink tongues and needle teeth and it was just cute as fuck!!!! My shoelace was untied, I didn't notice until one kitten grabbed it, then all the kittens broke out of their snowy blankets and started attacking my shoelaces, and the zookeeper was yelling at me trying to get them to calm down, he said he didn't want the big one to wake up.  The big one was an adult bobcat sleeping in a bowl about the size of a tire, and it started moving.  The zookeeper was like "shit!", I watched as the adult woke up and started to cry, and then I woke up when the bobcats' cry sounded like a baby crying in a crib. 

this Sucks!

I dreamed I had to go back to the Navy, stationed in Japan, I was drafted to.  As awesome as it would be to go, I didn't want to go because that would mean leaving Anne on the other side of the world.  It just sucked, I arrived at the ship feeling sickened and lost.  I was texting her, my only comfort it seemed.  The people in my office were having a party, I decided to join, thinking a few drinks would help take the edge off.  I had wine, I remember thinking I'm starting to get drunk so now I feel depressed as well.  It hit emotionally hard, a huge sense of loss and sadness.  I text Anne and asked if she wanted to Skype later that evening, she said yes, and I felt my spirit lifted.  I went back to the ship, and my old co-worker "Wu" was there.  She said welcome back, and that I should check my work PC for my duty day.  I thought I'll do it tomorrow, I just got here there's no way I'm scheduled already.  I asked if I can use the work PC to Skype, she said no, and there was no Wi-Fi either.  I text Anne and said I can't Skype, bummer.  I then realized it would be morning for her when I'm here, it was really depressing, I hated being so far.  I asked Wu if she wanted some wine, she said no, then I drank a whole bottle of Pinot Noir like water.  I logged onto the work PC to see my duty day, and it said I'm on right now.... I thought no fucking way man!!! Then there was a call, Wu answered, and then she said I'm supposed to stand watch right now and they needed me to go to the armory.  I wanted to give up life, I'm gonna be in a world of trouble when I go to the armory intoxicated.  Fuck.  What a nightmare, I woke up so relieved I woke up.  Good fucking morning.

social media

I first remember a group of friends, we were in an indoor basketball court about to play paintball.  I was setting up my equipment when my teammate approached me, Lung Butter.  He said he is going to stream the game and put it on YouTube.  He gave me a paintball mask that had a go-pro camera on, I said okay cool I'll wear it.  I turned on the camera and set up, and when I entered the game there were a lot of people on the court, it looked like a party.  The lights were dim except for multi-colored lights and lasers, and there was a bar, and a DJ.  I was confused where the game was going to happen with so many people dancing and drinking.  Everyone I came across saw my camera and acted out, I felt very popular, everyone was coming up to me, but not me personally but my camera, posing and shouting out.  I walked about wondering if the game was even going to happen, and felt out of place because I saw no one else ready to play paintball.  When I asked, everyone ignored me but not the camera, I was getting annoyed, and turned the camera off.  Suddenly, one of my teammates found me, and told me we were moving downstairs in an underground complex to play since the party was getting ridiculous.  Lung led me through the locker room area, into an elevator.  The ride down took, awhile, we had a conversation about his gf, my gf, new recipes we tried and chocolate habanero peppers.  When we arrived, we were in a cave lit dimly with torches and it was humid, in fact the walls and rocks, or stalagmites and stalactites were slick with dew.  He said they found people down here who would let us play and not let anyone else in, and I had to meet them.  So, I did, and the people looked like ants, like humans with antennae, large eyes, four arms and big booties.  That's all I remember, I was legitimately freaked out a bit, and woke up.  I hate having fevers.

hot chicks

I dreamed I was on the way to a party, it was bright outside and really humid.  I felt hung over or woozy as I stepped out of the car.  The apartment I was headed to seemed far, for some reason we parked at the opposite end of the parking lot, which was unnaturally big.  Super Wally-World sized lot, and I could feel the heat off it rising.  As I staggered for the apartment complex, I felt something land on my head, it was a chicken.  A fucking chicken flew and settled on my head, so rude, his clawed feet made me gnash my teeth.  I turned around because I heard  "peep-peep-peeping" behind me, to find a few chicks following the hen that gripped my noggin.  I thought "oh! the black top is too hot for them!", so I scooped up the chicks in my hands and immediately felt their little clawed feet burning my palms.  I hurried to the grass front yard to let them go, so hot in my hands, yet the parking lot seemed to grow ever larger, or our funky chicken party were all shrinking.  .  I woke up feverish, sweaty, hot and dizzy. 

meditation

I feel good.  Almost enough to forget how, so I stopped and sat on the floor.  No electricity except that in my brain, dancing and tickling my psyche.  I try to relax but even happiness strains the face muscles and tightens the core.  I tried to explore my mind, to unleash or uncover bits left hidden, but I am distracted.  Fuck it, go with it, I imagined my son.  He needs to learn to eat like a human being, haha!  I imagined he a pterodactyl, he wants to be one.  I tell him "well you eat like one", and he is a pterodactyl trying to use a fork to eat honey slammin' salmon and wild rice with peas and carrots, sweet potatoes.  I ask my pterodactyl if after his fish he would like to open his skin-fold wings and glide across the mesazoic landscape, he says no he wants an orange creamsicle.  "Eat your food!"  I next imagined a safe place, a nice place, a home away from home.  I have "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado stuck in my head.  I thought of Anne.  I smiled, in fact I'm cheesing geekily.  That's totally a word, geekily.  I thought of a place I like, it's outside.  The garden is kept, and the smoke from the grill calms the honey bees, too busy in bountiful nectar to be aggressive as I sit among them.  They never sting, sometimes they land on the rim of my glass, attracted to the sugars in the wine.  There's love there.  There's familiarity there.  We prepare dinner together, busy yet happy.  Drunk yet safe.  I imagine the honey bees reflect us, calm and relaxed, oblivious, busy.  Ready to sting, to swarm, if any entity hurts us.  One of us.  I imagine dying in service to this home, I got one sting, one life to give, it's not much but it's all I got, and I'll give it all if needed.  This place has shown me that, this place is fuckin' worth it.

the kings' Crown

I dreamed I was in the desert, the rocks were red and it was sunset.  I was with Dah (father.. BLEH!).  We were hunting, but we didn't have weapons.  I tracked a stag until a chain link fence stopped my progress.  Dah started to walk down the length to find an opening, I just said fuck it and climbed over.  I lost sight of Dah, thought whatever were both looking for the same stag, of which I found.  It was young, still velvet but I'm not interested in trophies, I thought okay, how am I to take this mofo?  In the distance, where Dah disappeared, I saw a giant bear.  I got real scared, the animal was distant yet as tall as the mesas, like 4 or 5 stories.  I debated running away, but thought if I run that fucker is gonna chase, so instead I spooked the stag.  The bear chased after it, and I ran like hell back over the fence, hoping he wouldn't see me as I climbed, over the hard rocks that made my knees throb.  I looked back to see the bear was eating the stag, in one mouthful (shit!).  When I got home, there were many people there, I told them about the bear and no one believed me... It was so annoying.  They wanted proof, I said my Dah might have seen it, but he was not there to confirm, fuckin' annoying!  I looked out the front window to see if it was still out there, and I noticed along the fence there were people lined up, cutting the fence down.  I asked why, they said because there was a war or something and the fence had divided us from another group of people.  They said they were all imprisoned here in my house and were waiting for me to come home before they cut the fence.  When they finished the fence, the other group of people came over, led by a man in a motorcycle helmet.  He was in a long black robe and his helmet was red and had velveteen antlers screwed in, like the stag.  He took off his robe and he had a black leather vest with a red cross on the back.  He gave me his helmet and said keep it, and asked me if I could paint his motorcycle.  I said "no problem, guy", that's all I remember.

it's the Luftwaffe!!

I dreamed that I was going back to school.  I was in the building registering and I felt stressed out.  I was trying to get into a work study program and was hoping my application was going to be approved, and it did, like instantly, which never happens.  I was asked into one of the offices for an interview, the interviewer looked over my application in front of me and said, "Hey, we need someone in the mail department!"  I was instantly on the job, totally forgot about the school part.  He told me to go outside and find my boss who would be in a blue Subaru, when I found him, to my surprise, it was my friend Brian.  I was like Yeah! Whoo!  I asked what exactly were supposed to do, he said just pick up mail when it arrives and put it in the mail room at the college.  Seemed simple enough, then I heard a bunch of airplanes coming.  Brian, jokingly, screams "It's the Luftwaffe!", and looked to the skies.  He said it's important to try and remember where they drop, as the planes released countless packages with little parachutes.  They landed everywhere, in the parking lot, on top of the buildings, in the dirt, across the street... It was chaotic.  I thought "Really?... whose genius idea was this?... (Brian)."  He opened the back hatch of the Subaru and pulled out some boots, like firefighting boots, they slipped over my shoes easily.  He handed me a large burlap sack and we walked out on the dirt to collect the mail.  The dirt turned to mud, and suddenly it seemed the college disappeared, and we were surrounded by rolling hills of sticky mud with juniper trees and power lines everywhere.  The mud was knee deep and difficult to move in as we collected package after package, dragging the burlap bag.  Brian said it's usually not like this except near holidays.  Another wave of airplanes came, and Brian looked stressed because he didn't think he could remember where all the packages fell.  That's all I remember.

a sci-fi Adventure

(I think it was the cognac...) I first remember being in a group, a sense of belonging to this certain dirty looking band of men.  We wore combat gear, but not in uniform, unshaven and relaxed, armed.  We were in the bed of a truck with a camper, kinda looked like my dirty old truck except the camper wasn't falling apart.  We stopped at our destination, it looked like the fitness center at the college I work out at.  Only I got out, I told my mercenary group I'll be right back. I recognized Matt, he said he would make sure I'm not left behind, I called him by his other name, "Thanks Lung Butter".  I carried a box inside the building, I meant to mail it.  It was addressed to Anne.  Inside, there was of course gym equipment and lots of offices.  Everyone there was in uniform, in matching PT gear, grey t-shirts and blue booty shorts that had "MARINES" printed down the thigh, men and women.  They looked like they hated me, all stared fiercely, I glared back thinking "Yeah, I fuckin' hate yous' too..."  I walked tall, not caring what they thought, pointless anger, I felt I did nothing deserving of this treatment, feeling their eyes on me while they stretched and did their workouts.  I walked into an office and handed the clerk my box.  I told her it was very important she gets the package, it might be the last thing I do for her.  She assured me it would be done, I left.  I got back to the truck,  and my cousin was there among the other men.  He is small and skinny, goofy kid.  The truck moved and we came to an airplane hidden between red colored mesas.  We meant to take it, salvage it, and were making preparations when we were attacked from the air, there zoomed over us small fighter planes the size of cars.  They killed some of us, me and my cousin were left, we hid under the wing of the plane, strategizing that they would have to exit their planes to come get us, giving us the advantage as we hid between the airplanes' massive wheel structure.  We fought there, until our weapons were empty and we were overwhelmed.  Men and women in grey t-shirts and blue booty shorts approached, capturing us and taking us back to the fitness center.  They wanted to execute us, I was confused and disgusted for the unknown reasoning behind this, I felt I was being targeted a terrorist.  Mob mentality, I felt helpless and sickened.  They had Lung Butter caught as well, and others.  He said he has a good idea, and asked to see the "King" (???), which the marines had to oblige.  Suddenly, in the dream, I didn't feel like I was on Earth, I felt like we had travelled across empty space to get here somehow.  I felt like the marines were not human, and this King who stood before me was an alien,  he who was asking if I was the leader.  I said yes, I didn't feel fear since I felt I knew what was going on.  He asked about my culture, we talked a bit and I mentioned my culture tracks their lineage maternally, and he became very interested in us.  He said he would let us live, yet we cannot go home, we would stay here as excellent specimens of human existence, as refugees of his wrath on Earth, and he said only me and my friends will survive.  I asked, and he said yes he will bring whoever I want to be spared.  I wrote a list of people, I knew exactly who, and he sent me back to collect them, and told me to put them in the airplane that my group meant to salvage.  That's all I remember.

???

I dreamed that I was riding a motorized shoe, it sounded and had power like a dirt bike, with only a single wheel about the diameter of a basketball.  It had a towel wrapped through the engine mechanism to hold with both hands, keeping it taught against the underside of my foot.  I was doing jumps with it in front of my grandmas house, careful to stay on top of it to not flip backwards, switching it back and forth between both feet when a leg gets tired.

the sand Dunes

I first remember I was outside on a rainy night, scavenging through an alley full of garbage.  I was looking for anything metal; cans, electronics, car parts or plumbing pieces.  Anything and all went into my sea bag that was already heavy and the thin straps cut into my shoulders.  I was with other guys, I didn't recognize them, we were trying to be quiet and sneaky-like, but the metal in my bag clanked when I moved, I thought it was getting ridiculous.  I said we should go back before "they" (???) find us.  I headed back to our apartment, the bag shifting awkwardly and loudly, making me walk funny.  Then I heard the guys running, screaming "They found us!", I took the bag off, held it like a baby and ran.  I still don't know who "they" are, so I looked back and I seen tall people, they were 3 or 4 times taller than average.  I kept running, and when I came upon the open apartment door, it was filled almost to the ceiling with sand.  I clambered up the sand and crawled through the space between the sand and the top of the door, dragging the bag in.  The giants couldn't follow me inside, and I found the entire apartment was filled with sand, leaving only enough room to crawl near the ceiling.  Everyone was being still, hiding, and we heard the giants outside screaming and pleading "Hey! We just wanna talk.. come on!.... Come on! Please?... I'm sorry... It's alright, I'm sorry... come on!!!"  They kept apologizing for something, while shaking the walls, testing for weaknesses.  I told the guys, and now girls also, I was going to my room.  I started crawling, still dragging my bag into my bedroom.  The bit of walls not covered with sand and the ceiling was painted black, which faded into a deep purple as it neared a moon, and stars were also dotted about in white.  I turned over in the sand onto my back, suddenly the walls disappeared into horizons and the ceiling became infinite, the paint became reality, I was lying in a desert of sand dunes on a cool night.  I freaked out a little, thought how would I hide from the giants out here!?  Then someone spoke to me, said "Hey! What's up!"  I answered while looking for the voice "Uuuhh.. hello?"  She said I'll be okay here, it's too dry for the giants, they only like the rain.  I asked what they were apologizing for, she said because they are used to feeling guilty all the time, but it makes them feel better to keep saying it about the things they did and will continue doing, bullshit-artists.  She said they want everything and to own you, and will say anything to catch you.  She said not to believe them, their tongues are sledgehammers behind glass teeth.  My bag vibrated, like a cellphone was in it.  I looked inside and there was a closed laptop among all the junk, it had turned on.  I opened it and saw Anne, she had connected to me through Skype, like we do often.  I felt so relieved.  I said "Whoa! Hey!", laying down in my bed, the rolling dunes turned into bunched up bed sheets and mountains of wadded blankets and pillows.  That's all I remember.

the Trunks

I dreamed I was doing a survival show with Cody Lundin (best dream ever, 10 out of 10...).  The show wasn't going so well, Cody was upset over a girl.  It was night out in the wilderness, there were juniper trees and crickets in a ravine, outlined in moonlight.  There was a huge tent in white plastic, the production team was inside, Cody and I were not allowed in.  We're supposed to be "surviving" while they filmed us.  Cody said he needed to sneak into the tent to talk to her, I says fine, I'll help.  I cut a slit in the tent near the ground, enough to fit us inside, I went in and there were hard-shell travel trunks set on portable tables everywhere.  I looked for Cody, who didn't come inside, instead I saw his silhouette sneaking around outside the tent, I knew it was him because it was a big dude with pigtails, booty shorts and no shoes on.  Suddenly he screamed for me to get out, and his silhouette turned around and ran.  The end of the tent he ran from collapsed, the entire wall was pinned across the ground and continued to advance toward me, like I was inside a tube of toothpaste being squeezed from the back.  I ran back to the hole I cut and wiggled out, just in time before the tent was completely flattened.  On top stood an elephant that had three trunks, and it was using them to roll a large tree trunk across the tent.  On its neck sat a rider, directing the animal.  When it saw me, it got spooked a little, giving me time to run.  The trees had changed, the leaves were thick and looked wet.  Behind the trees, I saw more elephant trunks reaching out trying to grab me as I ran past.  I followed Cody until we both stopped, exhausted.  Cody took a hand full of leaves and said put it on my neck to help cool off.  I took it, and the leaves felt like I was holding a vine of grapes that just came out the refrigerator.  Then, we noticed a campfire, and thought oh shit.  People rushed out at us, we tried to run, but they caught us.  They were giants, we wouldn't have outrun them anyway, they were twice as tall as me.  One was a woman, she had a clean pressed uniform on, and said she has to arrest us.  She cuffed my hands behind my back, and it was uncomfortable, I felt strain in my shoulders and tingling in my fingers.  I woke up because I was sleeping weird and had cut the circulation to my arm.

the Cubes

I was half asleep, kept awake by subtle movement in bed.  Anne was breathing really fast and whimpering in her sleep.  I saw the bedroom with my eyes shut, and everything looked pixelated like watching a television too close.  Of course life isn't two-dimensional, I saw everything made of cubes in the room, including myself and her (stop playing crafting video games aidan).  Then, I dreamed bits of cubes moved, pristine cut-outs of furniture and wall, myself and carpeted floor, Anne and popcorn ceiling.  The pieces traded places, becoming scrambled yet orderly, like watching the visually-aided disk-defragmenter for Windows(98?) slowly load pieces in a new way.  Then, I felt long pieces, chains of cubes linked together, pull out of me like slurping differing lengths of spaghetti noodles, and those lengths were replaced with lengths from anything else in the room that snaked its way by in the air.  The room became scrambled yet vaguely the same, like a tile mosaic that still held a picture in arrangements of shapes, implied and suggested, not literal, weird to explain.  That's all I remembered.

the go-green Car

I dreamed that I had an alternative fuel vehicle.  It ran on heads of lettuce.  I went to the grocery store to fill up, buying all the heads of green lettuce, romaine lettuce, bok choy, green and purple cabbage.  Waiting in line to check out, a man approached me wearing a mechanics' shirt.  He noticed my purchase and asked if I had one of the new cars, I says yep!  He was impressed, and said his next vehicle will be one and he will name it Sven.  I told him I named mine Zambie (???).  I walked out to the parking lot and unlocked my car, which looked like my truck except it had no wheels, just laid flat on the ground unsupported.  In the passenger seat, there was a cylindrical tower that went through the roof, and on the roof the cylinder supported a turret with a cannon.  The middle seat looked like an empty bathtub, and there was a hole on the cylinder with words above it "LOAD".  I filled the tub with my vegetables, turned the key in the ignition and watched from the window the empty wheel spaces grew giant legs, reptilian legs with little claws.  The engine hood opened part way, and a turtles head popped out and looked back at me.  I turned the steering wheel, which turned the turret, loaded a head of lettuce in the "LOAD" port, then launched it onto main street.  The turtle watched it soar then skittered after it, scooping it up in its beak as I launched another further down the street.  The ride felt like I was driving a car with square wheels, but it was fun.  That's all I remember.

the Assassin

I first remember I was drafted back into the Navy.  I didn't have any uniforms, and I was broke.  I was in the office stressed out because it was late, the Exchange was closed and the ship was getting underway in the morning.  Then, a friend gave me his credit card, said you can pay me back with your first check.  I was so relieved, and went to the Exchange so I could be there when they open in the morning.  The Exchange building was open but nothing was in service, and the lights were off but I still went inside, I thought maybe I can at least try on uniforms so I can be ready to check-out in the morning.  Inside the dressing room, there were lights on, and I went to the back dressing room, there were people inside at a table full of wrapped gifts.  I said I was just here to try on uniforms, it's kind of an emergency.  There was a girl there, she didn't seem to like me and told me to go away.  She was very petite, I didn't recognize her.  Before I left, she said I should take one of the gifts, and offered me a gift in a mailing tube.  I opened it, and it was a spear about 3 feet long.  It was weird, I told them I can't accept it because they won't let me take weapons on the ship.  She looked at me real freaky psychotically like, so I left.  When I got into the hallway full of doors to dressing rooms, it was dark and there was about a foot or so of water on the floor with soaked clothes floating around.  I closed the door quickly to not let water into the room I just came from, the scary bitch might yell at me again.  I waded through the hall, then heard the door open and slam shut behind me.  The girl had rushed out and at me, she held the spear in the darkness, I couldn't see but I felt it instinctively it seemed.  I tried to run but the water and clothing tripped me up, I turned over on my back to defend myself but she was already on top of me and had run me through the gut.  It didn't hurt actually, I just laid there stunned, and she said she was paid to murder me before I got to the ship, nothing personal.  She said she needed proof that she accomplished her mission, and proceeded to cut my heart out of my chest.  Again, it didn't hurt, and when she pulled it out she got angry, and said it's not the real heart but a decoy.  She showed me my heart and it was carved from oak and had roots sticking out of it as if to mimic the arteries and veins.  She screamed at me, demanding my real heart, where I hid it or who would know where it is.  That's all I remember.

Meditation

I sat against a wall cross legged, I was tired I just worked out, my biceps and triceps felt torn and my thighs felt tenderized (good fuckin' workout man!).  I just finished stretching, I turned everything electrical off and listened to nothing, telling myself 20 minutes, do it jerkface.  I breathed shallow, let my head hang.  I released all tension in my body, starting at my core, my spine, my stricken guts, then to my limbs, my extremities, slowly uncovering pieces of me I kept tight.  Somewhere in my body anger is trapped, I want to find it and release it, I don't need it anymore.  I felt everything go, I let my mind wander.  I thought about Anne.  I thought about sex.  I thought about my friend Matt.  I thought about God.  I thought about dinner.  I thought about wine.  I thought about that weird pain in my back.  I thought about death.  I thought about a galaxy, and if my soul would go there.  Heaven seems boring, I don't want a gold mansion full of treasure.  I want my dog Rudy back.  I want to watch my son grow old, and whisper blessings to him.  I want to feel loved and cry happily.  I want to watch the universe being created.  I want to take dance lessons with Anne.  I want to go fishing.  I want the tingle in my spine to continue, and it did.  It spread everywhere, creeping to my fingertips and toes, to the center of my forehead and tip of my junk (oh grow up!).  It collected at those places then rippled back, exploding chain reactions, overlapping and vibrating through me.  My entire body felt like when your leg falls asleep, intense, I imagined spirituality.  I imagined perhaps this is how the body is left when the soul is cast out.  Or, perhaps when you invite something else in.  It felt good, it was soothing and I knew it would help me find what I'm looking for.  I fell asleep sitting up, I dreamed about a cricket.  I picked him up so he could sing me to sleep, and I sang with him in a deep voice next to the camp fire.  Suddenly my throat gave out, I felt strain there and I got angry because I couldn't sing, I'm missing this opportunity, the cricket will be gone in the morning.  Then I realized I found it.  I woke up and screamed, I growled until my throat was raw, until blood pooled in my fingers and my core felt stricken.  It felt sooooo fuckin' good to do.  I rolled on my back onto the floor laughing, I found it and expelled it.

the ghost Fish

I remember it was really dark, cool and quiet.  When my eyes adjusted I found I was on the bow of the ship.  I remember this, the brightest stars in the darkest night I ever seen, they looked like vapor frozen up there, it had starry masses, not just twinkling dots.  Clarity enough to see where we are placed in this galaxy.  The ship didn't move, and no machine noises polluted the air.  I felt graced with an ethereal serenity, it was spooky as fuck.  I looked into the water, there were no waves, no wind, just quiet black current under a mirror reflecting the brilliant sky.  Then I saw ghost fish, they lit up when they swam away and disappeared again.  It's from the plankton, when disturbed they glow briefly, bio-illuminescent blue-ish white.  I smiled, I remember I loved this.  I tried to recognize the fish, they had bloated middles and thin fins, with a saw-like feature down their backs, I think they are tuna.  There were others, some sharks, some small schools would get spooked and exploded away like fireworks.  I could watch this forever, then I saw something massive, something deep.  I thought maybe it's a whale surfacing, fucking cool!  I watched the mass get closer and closer, and more appeared around it, I thought that's a lot of whales, I felt foreboding, I felt excited and intimidated, I realized my palms were sweating under fists clenched at the railing.  I couldn't make it out, it began to move away, oh shit! No! I wanna see! I leaned over the railing and it stopped, I was able to single out one mass, and I realized it wasn't a whale, but a shoulder, then an arm, an elbow, a forearm, a wrist, a hand, fingers and a thumb.  I froze and I became scared, I shied away from the edge, I quietly loaded a chain of 7.62 Nato into one of the M60's.  I watched hoping it would go away, but he just floated there, submerged, palms up and the rest of his body made visible only by the plankton.  He was massive, his head and feet seemed to disappear under curves of invisible horizon.  I wanted the fucking ship to turn on, to start steaming ahead, but no hands worked the bridge, no quartermaster manned the helm.  I felt panicky, then calm suddenly.  I stopped feeling scared and remembered home.  I remembered I'm dreaming now, I'm asleep in my bed, so I watched him more, until all the plankton was swept away and dark clouds blotted out the stars.  I heard the wind pick up in the darkness, outside my window.  I heard the ship turn on, machinery whirring and cars passing, birds.. dog.. doors..

a legitimate Nightmare

I dreamed I was going home on the train in Japan.  I was with Clay.  I held his hand high so he could keep balance while the train shifted and accelerated, it was fun.  Then we walked up to the apartment, which was a tiny shoebox, single room.  It was late, when we arrived the place was in shambles.  There were booze bottles everywhere and all the food was gone.  My brother was there, he apologized for having a party while we were gone.  I told him to clean it up, and Clay was complaining he was hungry.  I told him to get his shoes and jacket back on, then we walked back toward the train station where there is a 7&I Holdings, they always have good shit in their deli section something something rather blah blah shplee... .  It was day all of a sudden, and there was snow in the streets.  There were other families outside playing, some called out to Clay saying hello, I held his hand like I always do.  Then he ran off to play, I called out to him and he was lost with the other children.  Everyone was asking me where Clay is, I said he was just here, and I walked as brisk as I could over icy pavement.  I started to get anxious, then panicked, then crazed.  I yelled for him and ran between the streets, then I started to feel like a giant, touching the second floors of buildings on both sides of the streets, peering around corners, jumping above the buildings to glance at the next.  I was terrified he was lost, or someone had taken him, or anything.  Where the fuck is my son!?  Thoughts flashed through me and I felt helpless and angered and shaky.  I woke up feeling anxious, that sucked!  I thought this appropriate for fathers day.

xmas in June

I dreamed that I was shopping for Christmas gifts.  I don't like vicious crowds or annoying sales people or buying Christmas, so I left the department store out the back, where all the stock is.  When I got outside, there was a "wintery wonderland" set up, but it's June so everything was fake.  There were wrapped gifts everywhere, white felt sheets over the ground and packing peanuts strewn about to mimic snow.  There was of course Christmas trees, lights, a Nativity scene and a Santa Clause scene with reindeer and elves.  I was alone, noticed the nativity scene, which was on a wooden platform raised to eye level, and it was on fire.  I thought oh shit, and ran back inside for help.  There was no one, but on a forklift I found a fire extinguisher, so I immediately and effectively used it.  Then there were people, upset people, old folks, some in the motorized shopping carts.  They were upset because I put the fire out, and the burning of all this crap was a "tradition".  They became further irritated because no one had a source of flame to continue.  So, I thought "ooo... fire, fun", and went back to the forklift, took off the propane fuel source to use as ignition.  I opened the tank and let the gas bleed onto a wad of felt "snow" until it became soaked.  I ignited it with a spark from a broken rock and a chain link from a chain that held Santa's sleigh in the air.  All their shit started burning, they were still upset yet gracious enough to say I can have one of the gifts, and I became very confused, seeing as though I just torched all their gifts.  Then, it became evident that the gift exchange was to wrap gifts that wouldn't burn, that way no one felt like they got a worthless gift.  I thought it bizarre, and after the blaze everyone picked up gifts from the ashes, some fighting over a few.  All the tags burned so you couldn't tell who it was from.  There was nothing left, I stayed distant, it was weird.  Then, they were intent on making me pick a gift, to take it away from someone, and I refused.  Instead, I picked up the chain I used to make sparks, and said I'll take this, it's plenty useful.  It was still warm from the blaze and left soot on my hands, and I thought "oh goodie, this will be handy in the truck".  They literally felt pity for me and thought me an idiot so I started to not care who or what they are.  I took the slightly used fire extinguisher, the chain and the broken rock back to my truck, that's all I remember.  Best Christmas ever, 10 out of 10.

the Mission

I first remember having to pick my sister up on a highway.  I got a call from the police department that she had been illegal helicopter racing (???).  It was late, and she flew the 'copter low to the ground to avoid radar, and somehow she got caught by the police in a car (???).  They confiscated her "wings" and left when I arrived.  We argued, because she refused to get in my truck and wanted to walk it off.  Suddenly, the night was lit brighter than day because an atomic bomb went off in the distance.  I felt scared, and pleaded with her to get in the car before the blast reached us.  She still refused, and the blast hit so hard and faster than I expected, the truck blew over and when I recovered, the sky was fiery and my sister had vanished.  More people came, an angry mob, they said a giant exploded the bomb, and his name was Atlas.  They told me I need to kill him, so I took my Mosin Nagant and chased after him.  There were other people chasing him, shooting but missing their mark.  The Atlas had bone white skin, hair and clothing, looked like an old man with a pooch belly and moobs.  I felt that I really wanted to be the one who does it, I felt vengeful.  The ground was scorched black, and the giant moved over steep ravines swiftly, but I could climb better than the other people.  I knew to shoot him center mass, for some reason, because his center torso was weak.  I followed him into a cave, it was luxurious inside.  I snuck about, and was greeted by a short man in a bathrobe, still drying what remained of his balding head.  I asked him who he was, he said his name is Atlas.  I realized the giant was a suit of armor and this little dude was piloting it.  When he saw I realized what was going on, he stabbed me quickly before I could level my rifle at him.  I bled on the bathroom floor, and last remember thinking I should have stayed with the main group, I shouldn't have over-extended myself, I disadvantaged myself tactically, greed and blood lust.

the time Machine

I don't remember what it looked like I just remember using it, I woke up in 1983.  I was lost, I wandered around town, then Anne found me.  She was excited to see me, and then it dawned on me that she technically wasn't born yet.  I questioned her about it, she stacked lies on top of lies, and I felt a vibe from her that whatever reason she had she was embarrassed to admit.  She followed me here, though, and I was glad.  I walked with her through a neighborhood, the houses were very neat.  The grass was bright green in their perfect yards and the paint on the walls and fences was unnervingly white.  The air was foggy and brilliant.  At an intersection, in the middle of the street, there was a small shack made of corrugated metal siding, all the edges were sharp and inside the self-tapping screws were not covered against an accidental poke.  There was a small bed with red sheets inside, it actually filled the shack.  We layed to rest, and started talking about all the things we should do together that we never could have, now that we're in the '80's (yesssss...).  Suddenly I felt pain throughout my neck and throat, and there was a voice outside the shack, she spoke authoritatively.  She said, "go ahead, do what you want here, but you can't talk to the people, so until you go home you will have broken glass in your throat."  It felt horrible, but I didn't want to go home yet, and last I remember was getting ready to leave the shack and take Anne to see Journey with Steve Perry still at it (whaaat! yessss....)

breakfast with Mercenaries

I first remember a maroon centipede.  It was 2 feet long or so and... girthy (big juicy motherfucker!).  It laid halfway under my bed when I saw it.  I screamed! "Fuck'n hell...  What!... whaahat.. Oh... ooooo!!" and jumped off my bed across the room.  I stood there looking at it, breathing like a woman in labor,  "oooo....oooooooo boy....ooo nooo...eeeeeek!!", I felt angrily fearful.  I figured I'll try some spray, staring at it, it looked fake and I thought to throw something at it, then I noticed its feelers feelin' about (SICK!).  I blocked the closed door with a towel and set off to look for the aerosol spray... or a gun, shit!  Next I remember finding Anne laying on the couch, and I forgot about the centipede while I joined her, yet still conscious of any bugs in this room.  We watched TV and there was an open DVD case on the floor, with a disc placed upside down in it.  In the reflective surface, I saw the ceiling, and saw a praying mantis walk across it.  I jumped up and grabbed a flyswatter.  I was lining up a smack when it suddenly jumped off the ceiling, and I quickly swatted it across the room like a tennis serve.  It landed near Anne's brother, who freaked out a little.  I went after it, mashing it again and again on the carpet yet it wouldn't die.  Instead, it skittered back and forth really fast, hit and run guerrilla warfare against my socks.  Finally, I hit it with the broadside of the flyswatter, and it went down.  When I inspected the poor little corpse, he had a little blue cape on, and I was stricken with guilt for my senseless murder.  Then, all three of us ate leftover Chinese together.  Anne's mom showed up, it was morning and I was packing my camping pack to leave, I guess I had planned to be somewhere.  We never met, I shook her hand and smiled, she said I smell like leather and "Eh.. He's okay I guess...", then turned around and said "Well bye! Thanks for using all the Wi-Fi (???) and eating all our food!", jokingly.  I left in good spirits, going on a hike, there was cool humidity in the air and I approached a campsite with a few log houses and tents pitched all around.  We were renting rooms and camping out there, "We" being people I know from playing MechWarrior (yesssss.....), in the Blackthornes Merc Group.  We were on our way to play in a tournament, everyone was waiting for me in the mess cabin at the dining table.  We all sat together before breakfast and prayed.  That's all I remember.

???

I dreamed once that Cher was my mom.  All the mirrors in the house that I grew up in were like funhouse mirrors, I hated to look in them but it seemed I couldn't escape a glance into them.  My mom's attitude towards me was like Cher from the movie "Mask", and if you remember that movie, I dreamed I was Rocky.  That's all I remember.

the hospital and rat Poison

I remember my grandma's house.  It was dark out, I remember if you get on the roof you have a good view of Shiprock rock next to the hospital that has an artsy structure on top that looks like a pair of perky ears .  They were both exaggerated in my dream, the hospital structure was massive, seemed to be the corner of the world, lit with recessed lighting from the ground, the sandy colored bricks reflecting yellow and gold light.  Shiprock rock was in the distance, but just as big, also accentuated with light but reflecting more neon reddish.  I looked at the stars above both monuments, and saw a commercial jet, jumbo jet, whatever, and it was pointing nose down slowly flying towards the ground.  As if from nothing, behind it materialized a faster military jet, which shot a missile at the commercial airliner.  The missile spewed out glittery sparks behind it, for miles across the sky, colliding and detonating on target.  The commercial airliner broke in half, streaking flames to the ground.  I freaked out!  I ran inside, my mom was there ironing her uniforms.  I changed the TV to the news channel, telling her what I seen, she didn't seem to care, and when the announcement came, she didn't acknowledge it much.  I woke up a bit, it was cold in my bedroom and raining out.  I shut my window, laid back to sleep.  Then, I went to a warehouse complex, inside it was carpeted and even up the walls a bit higher than my head.  My cousin Leon was there, we were both going to work.  Throughout the complex, there were tables set up for people to sell things, most of them were selling archery equipment.  Leon tried the bows, talking how much he really wants to buy a blowgun if he could find one.  I thought it a waste of time, but still I admired how Leon could allow himself to be child-like sometimes.  We went through a restroom with a janitors closet inside.  The restroom was the restroom I remember from bootcamp, I was in "ship-staff" and cleaned the heads, swabbed the poop deck.  We used to all take packets of jelly, saltine crackers and peanut butter to hide in the pipework access.  I stocked our stash, I magically had crackers in my pockets, then we grabbed aerosol cans of some sort of rodent killer.  They had red barrels taped to them, which we had to screw onto the can nozzle.  Leon told me "this shit is really scary dangerous, don't touch the foam it sprays or breath the fumes".  We went to work, which I guess was hunting rats in the building, listening to walls and spraying behind the wall carpets.  We went outside and Leon said sometimes the rats hide in old birds nests, I found one in a corner of the wall high up, it was silent inside so I sprayed it.  The nest fell, and there were baby birds chirping in the foam.  I thought aaaagh! fuck no... and scrambled to pick them out.  They seemed fine, I grabbed parts that weren't covered in foam and threw them across the concrete.  Then, I felt the fumes burning my tongue and throat, sinuses and eyes, I ran away from it, coughing and spitting and wiping and freakin' out.  Leon said I need to go to the hospital and I remembered the commercial plane and wondered if I would see any survivors there.  I said I accidently sprayed those birds, and he said no worries it only works on rats.  That's all I remember.

the bones and Badassery

I remember my friend Matt took me to a bar.  Matt has a heart of gold, and he looks like Rob Zombie which I think is fuckin' awesome.  The bar was scary and ethereal, it was dark.  All the furniture looked made from rough sawn lumber, splintery and warped, smelled like it was stained dark with used motor oil.  The floor was almost slippery, felt like house dirt wadded up with spider webbing, bar nut shells, dead insects I imagined.  The only contrast to the dirty dark were the ivory and bleached white animal bones decorating the high walls.  The band, dear god, the band made me wanna corkscrew my ear canals out.  The acoustic guitars were bassy and weird, I imagined being trapped in a cave echoing with hundreds of snoring, growling bears.  There was a harmonica that sounded like the player wanted to blow the mechanism out the instrument, or he strapped a shop-vac on reverse to it.  The vocalist sounded actually like the guy from the band "Necrosis" and sang about eating sour grapes and growing up with shitty parents something something rather.  The patrons looked crazy as fuck, like dirty bikers and backwater folks.  I noticed a lot of epic beards going on, and fierce stares behind them. Everyone was bigger than me.  I sat down at the bar and there was no filter, they all chimed in asking "who the fuck is this one?!".  I felt flush in the face, I felt totally out of place, I felt I should make haste and leave this place (spittin' rhymes!).  I felt like if I offend anyone here I'll be dead today, I ordered a beer, an IPA.  I noticed a few had long rifles strapped to their backs, knives and handguns on their belts, lots of leather.  They asked me what I do, I said for fun? "No, dipshit, for work."  I said I paint cars and tattoo.  Then the mood lifted, we talked about tattoos.  We showed each other ours, told stories of where and what (sailor stories).  Then a dude yelled at the bartender, said get this man a menu. They offered to buy me a drink and food, Matt said, "See, these guys are awesome, good people down here".  I looked over the menu, I didn't wanna offend and say no, this is not the time to say I'm a vegetarian and thought, well, if I'm gonna eat meat it should be something I never tried before.  I ordered the seared jackalope, rare (wtf!?), they said alright but you gotta eat the horns too, jokingly.  I noticed a jar of Habu-Sake on the bar, I thought hell yeah, that seems fitting I guess, and I drank a lot of it when I lived in Japan.  I ordered it and they were impressed, smacking my back and toasting me, I felt like I belonged here with these folks, I felt very comfortable in my own skin suddenly.  I slammed the cup and the fumes I breathed felt they would burn my eyes blind.  I said hell yeah, that's on point, coughing, and looked to the jar to find the cobra had its mouth open.  The shitty music was starting to have melody in its weird way, and I last remember trying to identify all the animal bones all over the walls, pointing and telling Matt that's an ibex, hmmm, that's a big cat, that's a fuckin' woolly mammoth.

the apple banana twenty eight Tango

I remember there was a party in an unfamiliar apartment.  Outside the apartment, in the hallway, was the Disbursing office where I used to work.  At the party, I met my old friend Valles, she worked in the Personnel office across the hall (p-way in naval lexicon).  I said hey what's up, and we didn't know anyone there so we kinda stayed close.  Then, some unsavory folks came and demanded someone open the Disbursing door, they meant to break into the vault.  As it seemed, only I knew the combination to the door, so they took me to the door and said open it.  I resisted, and lied to them saying I was too drunk and had to have a few minutes to remember the code, then I started to act dramatically inebriated, it was fun.  So, they left me alone to open it.  There were two doors to the office, from the hallway was an unlocked glass door to a small waiting room, then the actual locked door and the barred service window.  I stood in the waiting area, and I let Valles in when she walked past.  I told her to watch the window while I open the door to lock us both safely inside until working hours.  While I unlocked the door, someone outside in the hall closed some wooden shades on the glass door, and Valles couldn't keep a look out.  So, we went back to the party.  There, someone said the guys took off because I couldn't unlock the door, I thought great!  I asked Valles to get a drink for me while I went back to lock the Disbursing door again, she said alright cool.  When I got into the waiting area, there were girls waiting, they looked really slutty.  They told me to open the vault, already inside the office because I left it unlocked.  I said no, thinking these broads look harmless they can't make me, then one of them pointed a straw at me and blew white powder out.  I ducked and felt the substance hit the back of my neck, it filled the air around me and I was drugged.  The walls went wavy, I felt airy and instantly lethargic.  The girls carried me inside to the vault, I was very non-compliant.  I yelled at them that I didn't know the combination to the vault anyway, and not to touch me because I didn't want to smell like body spray and get glitter all over me.  The combination was in numbers, and I was bullshitting with them, acting ridiculous and dramatic so maybe they'll go away like the guys did earlier.  I told them it's all I know, the numerical combination is apple banana twenty eight tango (not really numerical), I laughed and said fuck you nasty sluts just lock the door on the way out, I was starting to feel psychotic.  One of the girls was on a laptop, and she said that the bullshit code I gave them worked.  WTF?!?! They got into the vault and I felt confused, and still dazed.  I woke up angry and had to laugh it off a bit.

Meditation

I imagined I wasn't alone, I was feeling lonely, I miss her.  I imagined Anne.  She lay underneath me.  I closed my eyes, she's stunning, this I know, she doesn't need to wear make-up ever.  I wanted to see her further tonight, I felt her life close to mine, I felt like I could see her differently.  I could see her body, highlighted with specks of light, growing more prevalent as wherever we lay receded into nothing.  It all didn't matter, just her and me, swarms of speckled lights shining for each other, lost together in endless universe.  I used all I had, twinkling light and color, rushing and accepted into hers and we danced together, a swirling galaxy, slow yet great, endless I imagined our lights, intense and brilliant at the core of us.  I felt drunk and dizzied, I imagined this and felt this, allowing it to consume me until I fell asleep.  I woke later still sitting cross legged against the wall, deeply refreshed and deeply touched by you.

the sacrifices in War

I remember it was hot as I lay in bed.  I was tossing and turning a lot, that half asleep feeling.  Half awake?  I dreamed that I woke up where I was, in my bed, I heard miniature explosions all around me.  There were little battlemechs engaged in a battle, from Mechwarrior (yessss....), all over me, the bed and the floor.  I got up slowly and carefully, trying not to crush anyones 'mech.  I put my shoes on, kind of annoyed as I caught a few stray shots, just stung.  I took a step in the dark, and I heard a scream.  I turned on the light, and there was a rat on the floor, I saw that I had stepped on his tail and severed it off.  He stood erect, holding his severed tail, staring at it looking very perplexed.  When he noticed me noticing him, he looked at me and said, "I forgot what I needed this for?".  I really woke (freaky talking vermin!) and remember it was still hot and I had been moving a lot.  Then, I remember seeing my old friend, she likes art and break dancing.  She had a son, I never seen him though, but I dreamed I met him.  I ran carrying him from explosive sounds, along a river.  He was scared, so I put him on a big wheel and said see if you can beat this basketball, and threw the ball in the river.  It floated downstream quickly, he got excited and took off after it.  I almost couldn't keep up running, then we came upon a mall.  I said we should go in and see if any stores are open.  Inside, there were many people hiding, and people said it was the North Koreans invading, there was fear everywhere.  Suddenly, people said and ran to see there was an unnaturally large python next to a Fuzziwigs.  It was coiled and held its head high, looking wildly at all the people, tasting the air.  "It's so fuckin' big!" they said, I said "Yup! It's a B.M.F!" and laughed, coiled it was as big as a car.  No one was scared of it, just walked around allowing it plenty of space, amazed at it, respecting it.  There was a janitor standing very close to it, on his walkie-talkie, trying to contact animal control.  People were being led to buses outside, we jumped on one and the driver said all children should be together in the back, so I told the boy go on it's okay.  I stood in the aisle, and there was a group in a couple seats conspiring with each other, passing firearms around.  They offered me one, chanting "back a nation, reason to slice in".  I thought you squirrels are off your nuts, it got weird, but I took it.  Then, some short people in tactical gear and weapons screamed at us, entering the bus.  They spoke foreign languages, I blocked them in the aisle for fear of the little ones.  They shot me, and I fell into a seat on top of other people that had fallen too.  I felt pressure in my side and I shot them back, emptying the weapon.  The soldiers freaked out, some ran out after dropping their weapons, some danced erratically and squealed, all checking themselves for holes, but nothing, they were all fine.  I screamed out loud, "Really!? What the fuck?!", and a girl who laid next to me, looking shot up and dead, opened her eyes and said "Shhh... just pretend, they'll go away..".  Then, she unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it open, revealing a vest with bullets caught in it, she smiled.  I felt scared and really weirded out (why didn't I get a vest!?!), then I looked at my side and realized I had been shot with a paintball.  I pretended to be dead, and I heard a news anchor on the bus radio saying we were winning the war because the pythons were poisoning and eating the North Koreans, that's why the snakes were getting so big.  I felt my hot bedroom again and woke up.