zenith and nadir, Meditation

I finally stopped, I was so motivated and healthy, I closed my eyes and thought about what made me feel this way.  My quads and biceps throbbed, the energy she gave me was evident.  I thought of her, she playfully called me Mr. Mister, then walked away, even in thought she beckoned my follow.  I don't even know what she looks like, but I understand her essence and importance before we are connected.  I fell asleep leaning against my bed, my head to the heavens.  She teases, asking if I can feel her now.  I felt warmth, light, energy, I felt a spire of spirit penetrating my mind, emerging and tapering out of my forehead.  It tingled as it widened and heightened, stabbing at the zenith point that occupies my soul.  I felt doubt suddenly, I doubted I will find her, I doubted I would be strong enough when the time comes.  I felt nadir, it was gravity like my veins ran with molten lead.  I felt my hands fall from my lap to the floor and I almost woke up, I just breathed with my eyes closed until she came back and the doubt went away.  She was above me, the spire of light that went through me went through her forehead as she looked up to me.  She was standing on the ceiling, where gravity and doubt did not exist.  She reached a hand up, out to me, saying "Mr. Mister, you're my zenith.  I came from all the doubt along this path of light, and found you are its climax.  I can almost touch you now.  No more doubt, no more gravity, no more nadir, we're almost there.  I love you already, I'm finding you."  I reached up to her and touched her hand, then pulled, lifting her down to me with a smile.  She was heavy as we held each other, our arms fatiguing as unseen forces tried to pull us apart.  She whispered that we're almost here.  I woke when the FUCKIN' NEIGHBOR SLAMMED HIS DOOR, UUUUGGGH!!!!

my ghost of Anima and Animus

I dreamed I was back in the Navy. I was on the messdeck, fixin' to eat a plethora of fruit from the salad bar, it was breakfast.  A chief, I remember him, came up to me and said that I can't just eat fruit, that I needed to eat the crap they serve in the galley.  I assured him I'm fine, he said that the chain of command is concerned about my health.  He went away, then a familiar face appeared sitting next to me.  I remember her, such a "tomboy", risky and reckless.  Her name was Kim to me, she was a ghost, and talking to her made me realize I looked fuckin' crazy.  She was mischievous, but even as a ghost, my superior.  Kim said I need to go to the forecastle and retrieve a length of mooring line, (nautical terms, sorry, but just a place in a ship and a rope thicker than your arms).  She said I should go this way, leading me into the area in the ship restricted to officers... nay, admirals.  It was glorious.  There was a window so large and captivating, with a brilliantly gilded gold sunset over dark purple waters, it looked as if we were sailing into heaven.  I was enthralled, yet her ghost beckoned to the forecastle, I have a task at hand.  I went, and I was caught.  An admiral, twice as tall as I, belittling without a word and stern when I made eye contact, asking "what the fuck are you doing!?"  Kim whispered in my ear, and I saluted him and replied "Sir! I'm here to fix the... (duhhhhh)"  He cut me off and said "Right, on your way."  I went to the forecastle and grabbed a mooring line, it was still soaked in salt water and heavy.  Suddenly, her ghost left after biting my elbow, that's how tall she was to me. WTF!? Next, I had a different ghost.  He, not in a gay way, was someone I thought was a beautiful man, and I had deep admiration for him, I called him Tony.  He said we gotta go, we're on liberty and I gotta sneak out before the admiral catches me again.  I squeezed all the water out the line, which when rolled up was like a tire, and left the ship with it rolled around my shoulder.  Outside, I found we were ported on shore already, gold light filled the air and Tony was waiting for me in a purple convertible.  He said put the mooring line in the trunk, and we were off.  The salty, cool, humid air was so good in that car.  We went to a grocery store, there was a girl there that I like.  We paid her for our bottles of wine, then back to the car.  There, Tony said "Yo! I seen you looking at that cashier, man."  I replied, "Uuuuhh... really?" Then, the cashier jumped in the back along with other girls, and as we drove off she passed me a note.  I was so nervous trying to write my phone number on it, that which the note asked for.  I wrote a familiar number, then another, and another, and more, scribbling them out as I realized they weren't mine, but people I was involved with in the past. Then, Tony took my hand as I nearly scribbled a hole through the paper, yelling "Dude! Just let go!" That's all I remember.

the road to the Moon

I first remember I was packing my bags for a trip.  I was going on a road trip, everyone was angry with me and I am stressed.  I wanted to run away from it all, and a drive somewhere seemed like a good idea.  I felt saddened, I was going alone and I felt upset leaving people behind because I didn't trust what they would do while I was gone, but I had to let it go.  I became angry.  I confronted those people, their angry eyes and spiteful words.  I said I'm going to find myself, and when I get back you will either be gone or prepared to accept me fully when I become who I need to become.  There was a girl, there was some family, and there were some shitty friends.  They fell apart, they cried and pleaded I don't go, they became desperate and choked on tears.  I said no, not this time.  I won't be prone to sympathy.  Everything was wrong and I cried as I put my things into the car.  Then again, I was angry, they stood helpless outside on the sidewalk.  I told them I gave all, and they took more than their share, more than I was able.  They became drunk cannibals, poisoning their full bellies with my blood.  I was their source of sustenance, of protection, of safety.  We became attached to each other spiritually, now their souls devour mine because I ran out of love to give.  Sometimes I hate them, I want those pieces of me back, but today I gave them the last drop of me.  I was meditating and fell asleep.  I dreamed I replenished my veins with silver.  Those bad people wanted it, but they fell at my feet, weak and powerless without my help.  I said I'm not a fucking punk, I'm not a victim, I'm not your defender anymore.  I drove, it was night, the highway was dark and empty and I gnashed my teeth, I felt power and energy finally.  The road ahead peeled off the ground, unraveled and stretched into the dark skies.  I text an old friend.  It felt like I was keeping an injury fresh, a wound open, my cellphone had been stuck in my heart but I threw it out the window.

my daughter who ate the Sun

I dreamed that the world was all fiery and the sky was red.  I was old.  I was... fucking old, grandpa status.  It was calm outside, I had a knock at my door.  It was someone I knew a long time ago, my ex.  She had a baby, said it was mine and I had to take it.  I did without hesitation, she was my daughter, I was shocked yet instantly in love with her.  She had a name but I don't remember it when I woke, just that it started with an "M".  She grew fast, I closed the door and she was a teen.  I fixed her some food and she was a woman.  I talked to her and she said she was not real... it got weird.  She showed me her hair, where she had an electrical cord connected to the back of her head.  She could only live if she was plugged into a wall outlet.  Suddenly, the red world was full of war.  I was old and frail, but my daughter protected me, she was fierce.  She used my firearms when I couldn't anymore, saying that I had made her smart.  However, she couldn't go farther than her extension cord.  She said she can help the world if she wasn't so limited.  I had an idea, which didn't make sense at all but worked.  I made a bomb.  An atomic bomb, but it was small like a Ping-Pong ball.  I remember it, I made a shell of tungsten around an explosive that would send a plug of uranium into a plutonium core.  It was a miniature atom bomb from WW2.  I primed the bomb, then told my daughter to quickly eat it.  She did, using water to help swallow it, looking like a snake swallowing an egg.  After it was down, she hugged me.  She had long dark brown hair, she was so pretty like her mother, and I watched my arms hugging her disintegrate.  I was dead, yet watched over her like a ghost.  I saw her eyes were like fire and she looked up to me angrily, said she will burn me up so no one will hurt me.  She said it tastes like she ate a slice of the Sun, and that the explosion in her stomach made her strong.  She ripped the electrical cord from the back of her head, saying she doesn't need it anymore.  That's all I remember.

the gentile Runner

I dreamed I joined a club or commune or something, not sure what it was.  I had an advisor, he was to make sure I was doing everything correct that the organization required.  One of those things was that we basically could own nothing.  I gave up my clothes and they gave me red robes to match everyone else.  There was a pocket on it, I hid my cellphone in it.  I also snuck dog tags I was issued in the Navy, which had my denomination (PENT) and a small silver cross.  My advisor caught it, said I should get rid of them.  I said okay, but didn't.  The members were all called together outside, there was a football field with a running track around it.  We lined up and had to run, it was like a qualification, we had to run a mile under our time designated by age to qualify.  It was bizarre, the proctors told us how to run properly, and that was to lean forward so much that you have to use your hands on the ground to keep from falling over.  It didn't make sense, and all the other members looked just as confused as me.  We started the run, there were so many people in red robes clogging the track.  The proctors kept screaming that everyone is doing it wrong, and people kept giving up.  Soon the whole track was cluttered with folks in red robes sitting or laying down.  I kept running, trying not to step on anyone.  Suddenly, it became really hard to run, it felt like I was running in a pool of water up to my neck, or what I imagine running on the moon would feel like.  My feet kept slipping from under me, I wanted to fall forward.  I leaned forward while I ran, stepping on peoples' robes, leaping over them.  It was starting to feel like I was running up a hill, yet the track remained horizontal.  I had to use my hands to keep myself upright, I was like a gorilla on my knuckles.  The proctors told me to stop, asking how I figured it out.  It was hot in the robes, I took it off and they saw my dog tags and my phone that fell out the pocket.  They told me to leave after seeing, and my advisor told me while he walked me out that they were afraid of me that I actually did the stupid run, and that they only used my unauthorized items as an excuse to kick me out.  That's all I remember.