the Window

I remember there was a group of angry people in the living room, I didn't see who, just heard them screaming.  It was the apartment I grew up in, except the walls were very high.  They were screaming about me, and I locked my door when I felt they would come for me.  My room had a light blue carpet, and a wooden bunk bed that was placed in the center of the room.  I got onto the top bunk and looked out the window, which had a view of the front door, and there is a hedge underneath the window sill.  It was night out, and the front door porch light was on, I heard the angry people leave, slamming the door and their shadows passing by the window.  Suddenly, the porch light turned off, and I crept down to the window to look out since it felt safer.  When I looked out (I can't really explain how I felt but I'll try), I saw the dirt road in the distance and there was snow on the ground.  I could make out the distant trees and gate faintly because the stars were so brilliant, and the stars were like vapor, slowly swarming around in the sky with different neon colors, like when you disturb a puddle in the parking lot that has oil and anti-freeze and whatever chemicals dripped out of the cars.  The horizon was also very low, as if my room had tilted to look up but my sense of gravity didn't change.  I stared into the starry vapor and I felt like I could see into them telescopically, and I started to see close and closer into them, like I sent my soul to them to search through them but I stood with my arms folded at the window sill.  I found what looked like a space station out there, it had the shape of a giant crucifix, it was grey and had random veins and scales, like a very old trees' bark.  All around were satellites orbiting it, and in the intersection of the cross a hatch opened and gold light spilled out.  The feeling of fear left me, and was replaced with a feeling of welcoming and longing to get in that hatch.  That's all I remember.