Mrs. Attrition

I meditated, thinking about all the stuff bothering me.  It was easy to hear someone else's voice when I haven't seen much of anyone lately.  She told me reason, her voice is high pitched and playful, yet urgent and condescending.  She said first to stop being so fucking sad all the time.  My heart dropped and I felt a lump in my throat, but that's what she said I shouldn't do.  I swallowed it and breathed till my body was under control again.  She said I need to do some things over, I need to light corners of my life where bad things are hiding.  She said the one that you're denying is how hurt you are.  You held it all in, and it's overflowing finally.  Again, I resisted the desire to cry, but that's what she told me I need to release, so I let my body go and wept.  I felt tired and weak, she said I need to make friends.  It's not good being so alone, I got angry because I have friends and no enemies.  She told me I don't need enemies when I have the friends I have.  It angered me because it's true, I'm starting to not like her.  I feel sleepy but the floor is cold.  I was starting to drift away.  She said her name is Mrs. Attrition, she's my wife.  I said I'm single though, she replied I am in a different way. She said I need to do more cardio, and to let my emotions out when I do.  I used to do that, I told her, I remember blowing my legs apart in the park, feeling sick and depressed, but I kept running until my heaving breath changed how I felt, and I felt fucking good.  I said thanks for reminding me, but I need to go now.  She said okay you can wake up and use your body again, but you have to scream and growl until you're not angry anymore.  So I woke up and put a pillow in my face, letting go until a hot, damp pillow and cramping side left me laughing.