breakfast with Mercenaries

I first remember a maroon centipede.  It was 2 feet long or so and... girthy (big juicy motherfucker!).  It laid halfway under my bed when I saw it.  I screamed! "Fuck'n hell...  What!... whaahat.. Oh... ooooo!!" and jumped off my bed across the room.  I stood there looking at it, breathing like a woman in labor,  "oooo....oooooooo boy....ooo nooo...eeeeeek!!", I felt angrily fearful.  I figured I'll try some spray, staring at it, it looked fake and I thought to throw something at it, then I noticed its feelers feelin' about (SICK!).  I blocked the closed door with a towel and set off to look for the aerosol spray... or a gun, shit!  Next I remember finding Anne laying on the couch, and I forgot about the centipede while I joined her, yet still conscious of any bugs in this room.  We watched TV and there was an open DVD case on the floor, with a disc placed upside down in it.  In the reflective surface, I saw the ceiling, and saw a praying mantis walk across it.  I jumped up and grabbed a flyswatter.  I was lining up a smack when it suddenly jumped off the ceiling, and I quickly swatted it across the room like a tennis serve.  It landed near Anne's brother, who freaked out a little.  I went after it, mashing it again and again on the carpet yet it wouldn't die.  Instead, it skittered back and forth really fast, hit and run guerrilla warfare against my socks.  Finally, I hit it with the broadside of the flyswatter, and it went down.  When I inspected the poor little corpse, he had a little blue cape on, and I was stricken with guilt for my senseless murder.  Then, all three of us ate leftover Chinese together.  Anne's mom showed up, it was morning and I was packing my camping pack to leave, I guess I had planned to be somewhere.  We never met, I shook her hand and smiled, she said I smell like leather and "Eh.. He's okay I guess...", then turned around and said "Well bye! Thanks for using all the Wi-Fi (???) and eating all our food!", jokingly.  I left in good spirits, going on a hike, there was cool humidity in the air and I approached a campsite with a few log houses and tents pitched all around.  We were renting rooms and camping out there, "We" being people I know from playing MechWarrior (yesssss.....), in the Blackthornes Merc Group.  We were on our way to play in a tournament, everyone was waiting for me in the mess cabin at the dining table.  We all sat together before breakfast and prayed.  That's all I remember.

???

I dreamed once that Cher was my mom.  All the mirrors in the house that I grew up in were like funhouse mirrors, I hated to look in them but it seemed I couldn't escape a glance into them.  My mom's attitude towards me was like Cher from the movie "Mask", and if you remember that movie, I dreamed I was Rocky.  That's all I remember.

the hospital and rat Poison

I remember my grandma's house.  It was dark out, I remember if you get on the roof you have a good view of Shiprock rock next to the hospital that has an artsy structure on top that looks like a pair of perky ears .  They were both exaggerated in my dream, the hospital structure was massive, seemed to be the corner of the world, lit with recessed lighting from the ground, the sandy colored bricks reflecting yellow and gold light.  Shiprock rock was in the distance, but just as big, also accentuated with light but reflecting more neon reddish.  I looked at the stars above both monuments, and saw a commercial jet, jumbo jet, whatever, and it was pointing nose down slowly flying towards the ground.  As if from nothing, behind it materialized a faster military jet, which shot a missile at the commercial airliner.  The missile spewed out glittery sparks behind it, for miles across the sky, colliding and detonating on target.  The commercial airliner broke in half, streaking flames to the ground.  I freaked out!  I ran inside, my mom was there ironing her uniforms.  I changed the TV to the news channel, telling her what I seen, she didn't seem to care, and when the announcement came, she didn't acknowledge it much.  I woke up a bit, it was cold in my bedroom and raining out.  I shut my window, laid back to sleep.  Then, I went to a warehouse complex, inside it was carpeted and even up the walls a bit higher than my head.  My cousin Leon was there, we were both going to work.  Throughout the complex, there were tables set up for people to sell things, most of them were selling archery equipment.  Leon tried the bows, talking how much he really wants to buy a blowgun if he could find one.  I thought it a waste of time, but still I admired how Leon could allow himself to be child-like sometimes.  We went through a restroom with a janitors closet inside.  The restroom was the restroom I remember from bootcamp, I was in "ship-staff" and cleaned the heads, swabbed the poop deck.  We used to all take packets of jelly, saltine crackers and peanut butter to hide in the pipework access.  I stocked our stash, I magically had crackers in my pockets, then we grabbed aerosol cans of some sort of rodent killer.  They had red barrels taped to them, which we had to screw onto the can nozzle.  Leon told me "this shit is really scary dangerous, don't touch the foam it sprays or breath the fumes".  We went to work, which I guess was hunting rats in the building, listening to walls and spraying behind the wall carpets.  We went outside and Leon said sometimes the rats hide in old birds nests, I found one in a corner of the wall high up, it was silent inside so I sprayed it.  The nest fell, and there were baby birds chirping in the foam.  I thought aaaagh! fuck no... and scrambled to pick them out.  They seemed fine, I grabbed parts that weren't covered in foam and threw them across the concrete.  Then, I felt the fumes burning my tongue and throat, sinuses and eyes, I ran away from it, coughing and spitting and wiping and freakin' out.  Leon said I need to go to the hospital and I remembered the commercial plane and wondered if I would see any survivors there.  I said I accidently sprayed those birds, and he said no worries it only works on rats.  That's all I remember.

the bones and Badassery

I remember my friend Matt took me to a bar.  Matt has a heart of gold, and he looks like Rob Zombie which I think is fuckin' awesome.  The bar was scary and ethereal, it was dark.  All the furniture looked made from rough sawn lumber, splintery and warped, smelled like it was stained dark with used motor oil.  The floor was almost slippery, felt like house dirt wadded up with spider webbing, bar nut shells, dead insects I imagined.  The only contrast to the dirty dark were the ivory and bleached white animal bones decorating the high walls.  The band, dear god, the band made me wanna corkscrew my ear canals out.  The acoustic guitars were bassy and weird, I imagined being trapped in a cave echoing with hundreds of snoring, growling bears.  There was a harmonica that sounded like the player wanted to blow the mechanism out the instrument, or he strapped a shop-vac on reverse to it.  The vocalist sounded actually like the guy from the band "Necrosis" and sang about eating sour grapes and growing up with shitty parents something something rather.  The patrons looked crazy as fuck, like dirty bikers and backwater folks.  I noticed a lot of epic beards going on, and fierce stares behind them. Everyone was bigger than me.  I sat down at the bar and there was no filter, they all chimed in asking "who the fuck is this one?!".  I felt flush in the face, I felt totally out of place, I felt I should make haste and leave this place (spittin' rhymes!).  I felt like if I offend anyone here I'll be dead today, I ordered a beer, an IPA.  I noticed a few had long rifles strapped to their backs, knives and handguns on their belts, lots of leather.  They asked me what I do, I said for fun? "No, dipshit, for work."  I said I paint cars and tattoo.  Then the mood lifted, we talked about tattoos.  We showed each other ours, told stories of where and what (sailor stories).  Then a dude yelled at the bartender, said get this man a menu. They offered to buy me a drink and food, Matt said, "See, these guys are awesome, good people down here".  I looked over the menu, I didn't wanna offend and say no, this is not the time to say I'm a vegetarian and thought, well, if I'm gonna eat meat it should be something I never tried before.  I ordered the seared jackalope, rare (wtf!?), they said alright but you gotta eat the horns too, jokingly.  I noticed a jar of Habu-Sake on the bar, I thought hell yeah, that seems fitting I guess, and I drank a lot of it when I lived in Japan.  I ordered it and they were impressed, smacking my back and toasting me, I felt like I belonged here with these folks, I felt very comfortable in my own skin suddenly.  I slammed the cup and the fumes I breathed felt they would burn my eyes blind.  I said hell yeah, that's on point, coughing, and looked to the jar to find the cobra had its mouth open.  The shitty music was starting to have melody in its weird way, and I last remember trying to identify all the animal bones all over the walls, pointing and telling Matt that's an ibex, hmmm, that's a big cat, that's a fuckin' woolly mammoth.

the apple banana twenty eight Tango

I remember there was a party in an unfamiliar apartment.  Outside the apartment, in the hallway, was the Disbursing office where I used to work.  At the party, I met my old friend Valles, she worked in the Personnel office across the hall (p-way in naval lexicon).  I said hey what's up, and we didn't know anyone there so we kinda stayed close.  Then, some unsavory folks came and demanded someone open the Disbursing door, they meant to break into the vault.  As it seemed, only I knew the combination to the door, so they took me to the door and said open it.  I resisted, and lied to them saying I was too drunk and had to have a few minutes to remember the code, then I started to act dramatically inebriated, it was fun.  So, they left me alone to open it.  There were two doors to the office, from the hallway was an unlocked glass door to a small waiting room, then the actual locked door and the barred service window.  I stood in the waiting area, and I let Valles in when she walked past.  I told her to watch the window while I open the door to lock us both safely inside until working hours.  While I unlocked the door, someone outside in the hall closed some wooden shades on the glass door, and Valles couldn't keep a look out.  So, we went back to the party.  There, someone said the guys took off because I couldn't unlock the door, I thought great!  I asked Valles to get a drink for me while I went back to lock the Disbursing door again, she said alright cool.  When I got into the waiting area, there were girls waiting, they looked really slutty.  They told me to open the vault, already inside the office because I left it unlocked.  I said no, thinking these broads look harmless they can't make me, then one of them pointed a straw at me and blew white powder out.  I ducked and felt the substance hit the back of my neck, it filled the air around me and I was drugged.  The walls went wavy, I felt airy and instantly lethargic.  The girls carried me inside to the vault, I was very non-compliant.  I yelled at them that I didn't know the combination to the vault anyway, and not to touch me because I didn't want to smell like body spray and get glitter all over me.  The combination was in numbers, and I was bullshitting with them, acting ridiculous and dramatic so maybe they'll go away like the guys did earlier.  I told them it's all I know, the numerical combination is apple banana twenty eight tango (not really numerical), I laughed and said fuck you nasty sluts just lock the door on the way out, I was starting to feel psychotic.  One of the girls was on a laptop, and she said that the bullshit code I gave them worked.  WTF?!?! They got into the vault and I felt confused, and still dazed.  I woke up angry and had to laugh it off a bit.

Meditation

I imagined I wasn't alone, I was feeling lonely, I miss her.  I imagined Anne.  She lay underneath me.  I closed my eyes, she's stunning, this I know, she doesn't need to wear make-up ever.  I wanted to see her further tonight, I felt her life close to mine, I felt like I could see her differently.  I could see her body, highlighted with specks of light, growing more prevalent as wherever we lay receded into nothing.  It all didn't matter, just her and me, swarms of speckled lights shining for each other, lost together in endless universe.  I used all I had, twinkling light and color, rushing and accepted into hers and we danced together, a swirling galaxy, slow yet great, endless I imagined our lights, intense and brilliant at the core of us.  I felt drunk and dizzied, I imagined this and felt this, allowing it to consume me until I fell asleep.  I woke later still sitting cross legged against the wall, deeply refreshed and deeply touched by you.

the sacrifices in War

I remember it was hot as I lay in bed.  I was tossing and turning a lot, that half asleep feeling.  Half awake?  I dreamed that I woke up where I was, in my bed, I heard miniature explosions all around me.  There were little battlemechs engaged in a battle, from Mechwarrior (yessss....), all over me, the bed and the floor.  I got up slowly and carefully, trying not to crush anyones 'mech.  I put my shoes on, kind of annoyed as I caught a few stray shots, just stung.  I took a step in the dark, and I heard a scream.  I turned on the light, and there was a rat on the floor, I saw that I had stepped on his tail and severed it off.  He stood erect, holding his severed tail, staring at it looking very perplexed.  When he noticed me noticing him, he looked at me and said, "I forgot what I needed this for?".  I really woke (freaky talking vermin!) and remember it was still hot and I had been moving a lot.  Then, I remember seeing my old friend, she likes art and break dancing.  She had a son, I never seen him though, but I dreamed I met him.  I ran carrying him from explosive sounds, along a river.  He was scared, so I put him on a big wheel and said see if you can beat this basketball, and threw the ball in the river.  It floated downstream quickly, he got excited and took off after it.  I almost couldn't keep up running, then we came upon a mall.  I said we should go in and see if any stores are open.  Inside, there were many people hiding, and people said it was the North Koreans invading, there was fear everywhere.  Suddenly, people said and ran to see there was an unnaturally large python next to a Fuzziwigs.  It was coiled and held its head high, looking wildly at all the people, tasting the air.  "It's so fuckin' big!" they said, I said "Yup! It's a B.M.F!" and laughed, coiled it was as big as a car.  No one was scared of it, just walked around allowing it plenty of space, amazed at it, respecting it.  There was a janitor standing very close to it, on his walkie-talkie, trying to contact animal control.  People were being led to buses outside, we jumped on one and the driver said all children should be together in the back, so I told the boy go on it's okay.  I stood in the aisle, and there was a group in a couple seats conspiring with each other, passing firearms around.  They offered me one, chanting "back a nation, reason to slice in".  I thought you squirrels are off your nuts, it got weird, but I took it.  Then, some short people in tactical gear and weapons screamed at us, entering the bus.  They spoke foreign languages, I blocked them in the aisle for fear of the little ones.  They shot me, and I fell into a seat on top of other people that had fallen too.  I felt pressure in my side and I shot them back, emptying the weapon.  The soldiers freaked out, some ran out after dropping their weapons, some danced erratically and squealed, all checking themselves for holes, but nothing, they were all fine.  I screamed out loud, "Really!? What the fuck?!", and a girl who laid next to me, looking shot up and dead, opened her eyes and said "Shhh... just pretend, they'll go away..".  Then, she unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it open, revealing a vest with bullets caught in it, she smiled.  I felt scared and really weirded out (why didn't I get a vest!?!), then I looked at my side and realized I had been shot with a paintball.  I pretended to be dead, and I heard a news anchor on the bus radio saying we were winning the war because the pythons were poisoning and eating the North Koreans, that's why the snakes were getting so big.  I felt my hot bedroom again and woke up.